


Nightmares Become Reality

by thorkified



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, Heavy Angst, Isolation, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Survival, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-12-30 10:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Because he tried to save his mother, Sam is now trapped in the alternate universe with Lucifer. Needless to say that the Devil is anything but pleased and Sam is the first to fall victim to his anger and rage. After being literally beaten unconscious, Sam wakes up to find Lucifer gone.Knowing he has to survive somehow until Dean finds a way to get him, Sam does what he knows best and tries just that. He does meet Lucifer again, but this time he is different. They team up, if only to not walk this wasteland alone, and soon find themselves trapped in a cabin to seek shelter from a terrible storm outside. With little else to do, they end up kind of talking, which isn't going all that well. Until Lucifer finds something they can kill a bit of time with: an old magazine.What Sam spots in it is some kind of quiz that’s supposed to create love for someone else, but of course he doesn't believe a word of it. Still, they are alone, they have to do something until the storm is over, so it won't hurt, right? He's not going to fall in love with the Devil after all, so he has nothing to lose. It really can't get any worse than it already is.





	1. Point Of No Return

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Requiem Of Memories](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380864) by [thorkified](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified). 



> If you want more of this fic, read "Requiem Of Memories" linked above - it's the sequel ;)

“Mom, no!”

It all happened so fast - Sam simply reacted, never imagining how it would end. He grabbed his mother’s arm and pulled her back, but because of this, Lucifer's hand wrapped around his wrist instead. He watched with wide eyes how Dean rushed forward, but it was too late. The next second Sam crashed onto the ground, the grip around his wrist gone. He forced himself back up and looked over his shoulder - sheer horror taking over him when the portal flickered and then simply vanished into thin air. 

There was not a single sound apart from Sam’s own breathing and the pulsating in his ears. Even if the world would collapse around him, he didn’t think he would even notice. His whole body was frozen - he couldn’t even do so much as blink. The last minute kept replaying in his head again and again, even if it made less sense each time. Never, not in a million years, did he imagine this to happen

A scream of utter agony and anger filled the air around him suddenly, without a warning and so loud that Sam had to cover his ears. At first he didn’t know what was going on, but it didn’t take long until he realized it was Lucifer who made this sound and that he was raging and completely mad. All he could really do was cower down and beg that the intensity of the angel’s voice would not explode his head. It felt like years before the Devil fell silent again, but Sam didn't even get enough time to breathe before two hands grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the ground again with enough force to press all air out of his lungs.

Sam was completely mortified, it was impossible to defend himself from the furious attacks from Lucifer. He felt his bones crack, his blood drip down from his nose and lips and his skin burst open everywhere, but he couldn't even raise his hands to protect his face. Lucifer had snapped completely and Sam was simply taking it. Then, with one single blow right against his temple, the Devil sent him into darkness. The little bit of Sam's brain that was still functioning was relieved by the sudden blackout, knowing that this way he wouldn't feel his body being ripped apart at least. He let himself fall into the void around him, awaiting the end.

\------

Sam isn't sure when or why he's regaining his consciousness, but it starts with an agonizing pain in his back. It doesn't stay there, though, and within minutes every joint and muscle in his body is screaming. Sam's eyes flutter open with a low groan, but he can't think about sitting up just yet. He's laying on the hard and cold ground, the sky above him a dark and ominous purple, without so much as stars or the moon. It takes him a while to remember why he's lying here and who's responsible for it, but when he finally does he's almost jolting up, causing a shot of pain through his upper body. He screams, unable to stop it, but when his voice ebbs away everything stays silent.

“Where is he?” Sam asks himself, wondering if this is a trap and if Lucifer will jump out from behind a corner the next second to finish what he started.

After a few minutes without anything happening, Sam frowns. His arms and legs protest when he pushes himself up, his back won't stop sending lightning bolts of pain through every single nerve, but he slowly finds out that nothing is damaged beyond repair. His arms are bruised and covered in blood, so is his face and his clothes, but nothing seems to be broken. At this point, he's thankful for even this little gift. When he checks his face, especially his nose that feels smashed, he can only feel that's it's slightly swollen, as well as his lip, but the bones are still intact. There's also blood dripping from a wound over his right eye, which he wipes clean with his sleeve before finally letting out a sigh of relief.

For a while, Sam simply stands there and looks around in this cold and dead world. There is no portal, no sign of life whatsoever and even Crowley’s dead body is nowhere to be found. He figures that one of the demons must have taken it, which causes a slight sting in his stomach at the thought of Crowley’s useless death. It’s hard ignoring it, but when he begins walking the new waves of pain overshadow any grief. His legs are shaking and he has to fight for every step, but he knows he has to keep moving. There must be a way out of here, if he just sits there and stares around he won't find it, that's for sure.

Sam's understanding of time seems to have slipped away from him. It feels like he's walking for hours, but when he looks up, the sky still looks the same and he sighs in frustration. He must have made half a mile by now, the way he's panting can't just be from a few steps. The whole time he has been alone though, not even an animal and much less a demon or even Lucifer have crossed his path. He has found other things though, things that worry him. Pillars that he has seen before when he was here with Dean are pulverized now and corpses of demons Cas had killed are burned to ashes. And those huge sinkholes he has walked past, they are new too. There's also blood, a lot of it, and it's still fresh. Whoever did this, he can't be far away. It's the only thing that keeps Sam moving at this point, because whatever it is that caused this destruction, it's not a friend.

It's two hours later, or at least Sam thinks two hours have passed, when he sees a shadow in the distance. He has walked past more destruction, including a sinkhole so huge it took him fifteen minutes to walk around it, but during the last minutes all he has seen are blood drops. His body tenses up when he recognizes the shadow as Lucifer, who is covering on the ground. He's not moving, but it doesn't ease his uneasiness. To be honest, he would love to just turn around and run away, but he knows that it would be of no use. If Lucifer wanted to find him, he would.

Eventually, Sam forces himself to keep walking and stumbles closer to the shadow, which slowly reveals more detail. Yes, Lucifer is cowering, but before Sam couldn't see why. As he gets close enough, he can see that the devil is holding one of his hands and that a pile of blood has formed beneath it. Unwillingly, he feels a wave of sympathy.

“You're bleeding.” It's a dumb thing to say, but all that comes to Sam's mind at the moment.

Lucifer lets out a huff and looks up at Sam, revealing a face that looks no better than the hunters. It's bloody and his lip is cut open, as if someone has beaten him up just as much.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Lucifer barks, a thick and dark voice, but the anger isn't as intense as Sam had expected.

“Seems like you messed with the wrong guy.” Sam tries to sound casual and walks to a spot a few feet away from Lucifer. When he sits down his body is protesting again, but the feeling slowly becomes dull once he stops moving.

“There's no one to mess with but you,” Lucifer says and Sam watches how he wipes some blood off his hand. “Nothing is alive here anymore.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Sam sighs and shakes his head, causing his neck to tense up. He rubs it slowly with one hand as he continues. “Any reason I am still alive or?”

Lucifer turns his head, his lips forming a bloody smile that creeps Sam out.

“You stopped screaming,” he said slowly. “So I moved on to other things that would.”

“The Devil through and through,” Sam huffs weakly. “I can't believe I'm stuck here with you.”

Lucifer just lets out a huff at this, but doesn’t answer. Instead, he turns his attention back to his hand. He begins to remove shards of what looks like stone from them; one, two, then finally three. After he is done, he lets out a growl that sounds very relieved to Sam and shakes his hand. Slowly it dawns on Sam that Lucifer is responsible for all the chaos, looking at it now it's obvious.

“You don't happen to know a way out of here by any chance?” Sam asks and Lucifer lowers his head.

“If I would, I would be gone already.” Lucifer sounds very annoyed, which is proven right when he looks back at Sam. “Do me a favor and just go away, will you? I'm not in the mood for small talk.”

“Easier said than done,” Sam scoffed. “After being your punching bag, I'm not really eager to keep walking.”

“It's your own fault,” Lucifer growls low in his throat and looks away again. “You had to play hero again after all.”

“Yeah, totally worth it, you're right.”

Sam is exhausted, the dull pain in his body more than a little disturbing. He doesn't care much for what Lucifer will do to him if he doesn't leave, just thinking about getting up again is too much. He slowly lets his body to the ground, trying to find a position that doesn't cause him even more pain. It takes a while, but eventually he lays still and sighs.

“What do you think you are doing?” Lucifer suddenly asks, a slight confusion in his voice.

“Take a guess,” Sam gives back, followed by a yawn. “I'm sleeping.”

“And you think I won't just kill you when you do?”

“I really don't give a shit right now, sorry.” And he doesn't. If Lucifer wants to kill him, he doesn't have to wait until he's asleep to do it. “If you want to, just go wild.”

He doesn’t expect silence after those words, but there is no sound coming from Lucifer and Sam relaxes a little at this. It doesn't take long until he drifts away, but this time he is actually sleeping, not blacked out.

Lucifer watches Sam for a long time, without moving even a bit. Nothing will kill the hunter while he sleeps, he and Sam are the only living beings in a ten mile radius. Eventually, Lucifer lays down himself, right where he sits, and closes his eyes. He doesn't normally sleep, but his outburst of rage has cost him a lot of energy, trying to recharge some of it won't hurt. If Sam is still there when he wakes up, he might have to take care of him, but at the moment he cannot summon the power to bother.


	2. Surprising Behavior

When Sam opens his eyes he can’t remember where he is at first. It’s cold and the ground beneath him is hard, but then it dawns on him and he closes his eyes again. Of course it had not been a bad dream. After a few minutes he finally finds the courage to sit up and looks around. He expects Lucifer to be where he was the night before, but he’s gone. Sam would worry about that, but in this exact situation his stomach decides to remind him that it’s empty and it causes his whole middle to tense up. He leans over, covering his stomach with his arms and tries to breathe the pain away. After a minute or so, it eases a little and he takes a deep breath.

“Where the hell did he go?” Sam asks himself quietly. 

Did Lucifer really just leave? It’s really not that Sam would be worried about his safety without Lucifer around, actually it’s quite the opposite at the moment, but it does worry him that he doesn’t know where the Devil is in general. If he’s somewhere else, waiting for an oblivious Sam to walk by so he can attack him, it can become a big problem.

“It’s not like I don’t have a shitload of problems already,” Sam scoffs and finally drags himself up. It’s a hard task, causing his back and legs to bring back the pain from the night before, but eventually he’s on his feet again.

Sam doesn’t like the thought, but apparently he is going to stay here a while. He still hopes Dean will somehow find a way to come and get him, but in the meantime he has to survive somehow; which includes eating of course. The place he is at right now is as dead as can be, he’s not going to find any food here, so he decides to leave too and find something to eat. Before he leaves though, he bends down again and picks a long and sharp piece of iron off the ground. It’s a dangerous world, he surely won’t wander around unarmed.

The longer Sam walks through the wasteland around him, the lesser his hopes of actually finding edible things get. Everything is just rocks and metal spikes and blood, not even the tiniest plant is growing in this deadly environment. From time to time, Sam spots footsteps in the gray dirt, wondering if Lucifer created them or if they are traces of the few humans still being alive. In any case, the footsteps are all he sees, there is not a living being crossing his path over the next hours.

Around noon, or at least Sam assumes it’s noon, his legs hurt too much to keep walking. He sits down and leans against another pillar and closes his eyes for a moment. His hands move to his legs, trying to relieve the burning stinging by massaging them carefully, but it does little in helping the pain. He doesn’t know if it’s from his exhaustion or from Lucifer beating him up, but if this doesn’t go away soon, Sam is not sure how long he will last.

“Are you stalking me?”

Sam’s eyes snap open at the sudden familiar voice and he instinctively tries to jump backwards, but since his legs are still not obeying him completely it only results in him landing on his back and staring up at a very angry Lucifer.

“I’m resting!” He barks louder than he wants to, the shock about the other appearing out of the blue still too fresh to be calm. “Can you try not scaring me to death, please?”

Lucifer squints his eyes and for a moment Sam thinks he’s just going to kick or hit him again, but then he suddenly grabs Sam’s arm and pulls him up. Sam gasps in protest, but he’s too weak to fight Lucifer and eventually just grabs the pillar to not fall back over.

“What the hell?”

“You’re not doing so well, Sam, are you?” Lucifer asks with a cruel amusement in his voice and Sam frowns, pushing him away with the little bit of strength he has left.

“Just fuck off, okay? I’m fine, thank you!” Lucifer chuckles a little, then pulls something out from behind his back. Sam eyes him suspiciously when he reveals a bag that is obviously filled with something. “What’s that?” Sam asks before he can stop himself.

“You look like you could use something to eat,” Lucifer shrugs and throws the bag at Sam. 

The hunter barely manages to catch it without falling over, his legs are shaking under his weight and he really just wants to sit back down, but doesn’t dare with Lucifer being so close to him.

“Where did you get that from?” Sam raises a brow and inspects the bag. It’s full of weird looking fruits and something that could be bread, but he’s really not sure about that one.

Lucifer doesn’t answer at first, he simply turns around and walks a few feet away before plopping to the ground and looking up at Sam. There’s no pity or anything in his face, it’s blank and emotionless and it’s very unnerving for Sam somehow.

“I found it,” he finally states, not really convincing.

“Don’t you mean you killed someone who had it?”

“Surprisingly, I’m telling the truth, Sam.” Lucifer looks very offended by what Sam said, but the hunter can’t say if he’s acting or not. “I found it in an empty cabin.”

Sam huffs, still not so sure about the truth in Lucifer’s words. His stomach is making more noises when he looks back into the bag though and forces him back to his knees. Lucifer watches this without a comment, but there’s a cheeky smirk on his lips when Sam turns his head to look at him again.

“What did you do to it?” He asks mockingly. “Did you poison it?”

“I didn’t do anything to it,” Lucifer says innocently and lifts his hands. “I just found it.”

Sam knows it’s risky to trust the devil on this, but he can barely think straight anymore with the huge hole in his stomach. It’s been too long since he ate something to not feel his mouth watering at the thought of it alone. It takes a while until he is reaching into the bag and pulls out one of the fruits.

“This thing looks toxic,” he mumbles and turns the way too purple thing in his hands. It feels almost like an apple, but he has never seen anything like it in his life.

“It’s edible for humans” Lucifer comments from the side, barely showing any interest. “Everything is.”

“Why are you giving me this?” Sam wants to know, because he really can’t come up with a reasonable explanation. Not even a day ago Lucifer beat him close to death and now he is giving him food? It makes no sense.

“You need to eat,” Lucifer says and picks up a stick from the ground, starting to draw circles into the dirt between his feet. He sounds like he’s simply stating the facts and if Sam is honest, that’s what he does. He  _ needs  _ to eat, unlike Lucifer.

“And why would you care? If I don’t eat you’ll get rid of me sooner, so what’s in this for you?”

There is no answer coming, Lucifer simply shrugs again and keeps drawing shapes. Sam watches him for a minute with his patience slowly melting away, but new cramps in his stomach push the question and his worries aside and he finally bites into the weird looking fruit, hoping for the best. It’s hard to chew at first, not only because of the unfamiliar texture, but also because the purple apple thing tastes stale and bitter. It’s not worse than some other things he has eaten before though, just a rather unpleasant taste in general that Sam dislikes. Still, it’s nutrition and if it’s all he can get, he takes it. 

Sam finishes the purple apple in silence, only now and then glancing at Lucifer to see if he does something suspicious, but he just keeps poking and drawing on the ground with his stick, otherwise completely unmoving. When Sam is done, he takes the thing that looks like bread out and notices that it’s indeed that: bread. It’s dark and looks hard, but he is able to break it in half with a little effort and puts the half he doesn’t plan to eat back into the bag. The bread is definitely stale and hard, but Sam still manages to eat it by just keeping it in his mouth for it to become soft enough to chew. It’s not moldy at least, so that’s something. It tastes almost worse than the fruit, but it’s food and it’s filling his stomach and it’s better than starving for sure.

Sam still doesn’t understand why Lucifer would bother giving him food, but he can’t help but feel thankful for it. A little at least. He didn’t eat much, but for now it will do, that’s all that matters. For a while, Sam leans back against the pillar and tries to let the food sit. The silence is only disturbed by Lucifer’s constant scrubbing over the ground and for some strange reason Sam finds it rather calming. He almost drifts away when Lucifer eventually stands up and the sounds stop.

“Thank you,” Sam says quietly, without opening his eyes. He doesn’t want to look at Lucifer saying this, but he kind of has to. It’s hard not to thank him after he just saved his life.

Lucifer lets out a sound Sam can’t define and when he finally does look up, he nods. It seems like Lucifer wants to say something, there is a weird look of concentration on his face, but after a moment he turns around without opening his mouth. Sam really wants to sit there forever and just sleep, but he still pulls himself back up and dusts off his pants. It’s more of a habit than actually needed, because everything in this world is dirt and dust, but he can’t help it.

“Where do you plan to go?” Sam hears himself ask before he even realizes it and Lucifer turns back around.

“Why?” he asks suspiciously. “Do you want to follow me?”

Good question, even if Sam doesn’t know an answer. Somehow it’s bothering him to be alone in this strange place; even if Lucifer isn’t exactly the nicest company he can imagine, he’s better than no company at all.

“We might be useful to each other,” he eventually says and shrugs. “It’s pretty dangerous alone here.”

Lucifer raises his brow and gives Sam a very dismissive glare. He doesn’t seem to like the idea, so it’s a big surprise when he eventually nods.

“At least I know where you are then,” he huffs. “This way you can’t drive a knife through my back while I’m not looking.”

“If a whole magazine of angel killing bullets don’t hurt you, I doubt anything I can find here will,” Sam can’t hold back the comment, but it’s true.

“Your brother is never gonna learn his lesson.” 

With this strange comment Lucifer begins walking away and Sam hurries to catch up with him, at least kind of. He has trouble keeping up with the devil’s pace, the other surely isn’t in such a bad condition as he is in, but he doesn’t want to show even more weakness than he already has. Not to impress Lucifer, that’s the last thing he wants. It’s just that he knows it could be useful having Lucifer around in this world. Apparently he still has quite a few powers, so it’s better to be on his side if a fight occurs. Then again, Sam isn’t sure if Lucifer even cares on which side he is anymore. It’s a thought that causes an unpleasant sting in his stomach, but Sam swallows it down the best he can and closes the distance to the devil until they walk almost next to each other.


	3. Shelter

At first, Sam had hoped it wouldn’t be too awkward with Lucifer by his side, but he soon realizes that it’s more than just awkward, it’s hideous. Not because Lucifer is mean or cruel or anything like that, but because he actually doesn’t even pay attention to Sam at all. Not that Sam expected them to chat or be friendly with each other, but this silence is as uncomfortable as can be and Lucifer doesn’t even bother slowing down when Sam slowly starts falling behind. He really tries keeping up with the other, but it doesn’t take long before his back starts acting up again and his steps become infrequent.

“Hey,” Sam almost yells when the distance between them gets too much, causing Lucifer to finally stop and turn around. “Can we rest for a minute? I… fuck, I can’t walk anymore…”

Sam doesn’t wait for Lucifer’s answer. He sinks to the ground and holds his left side, wondering where the sudden pressure there comes from. It’s so hard to breathe right now that he already sees black dots in front of his eyes and it doesn’t feel right at all.  After a moment, Lucifer walks back to Sam, his heavy footsteps ringing in Sam’s ears.

“You’ve become pretty weak, Sam,” Lucifer says sarcastically, but Sam can’t give him the proper response. All he can do is stare at his feet and try to get air into his lungs. “I remember a time when you were able to take a few blows.”

“A few blows,” Sam huffs weakly. “Not you beating me unconscious.” Suddenly Lucifer kneels down and Sam forces himself to look into his face. “What?” Sam snarls.

“Are you planning to do this all the time when you are with me?” Lucifer asks and Sam has to bite another angry response back.

“Do what?” he asks instead.

“Hold me back, what else?”

“I’m sorry if my injuries don’t fit into your travel plans,” Sam hisses, unable to believe that Lucifer is mocking him again. “It’s not like I asked to get beaten by the Devil himself!”

“You are really annoying,” Lucifer says and shakes his head.

Sam feels a cold hand on his head the next second and everything in him screams to slap it away, but it’s impossible to even raise a hand, yet alone summon the strength to do more. Instead he simply lowers his head in defeat. He doesn’t know what Lucifer plans, but suddenly the pain in his side is gone and, lo and behold, his back pain is gone soon after, along with every other pain he felt. He looks back up at Lucifer, now completely baffled.

“I am not planning to stop every five minutes just because you have a boo-boo,” Lucifer simply says and stands back up.

Sam has no idea what to think and can’t even stand up himself for a moment. He just stares at Lucifer in complete disbelief over what just happened. When he finally finds his ability to move again, he can’t help but check himself for injuries. There is absolutely nothing left, his body is restored completely again, maybe even a little better than before Lucifer beat him up.

“Are you coming or not?” Lucifer’s voice sounds from the distance and Sam realizes he didn’t bother wait for him to collect himself. He quickly shakes his head and hurries towards the other to catch back up with him.

“Did you just… heal me?” he asks, even though he knows the answer already. He still can’t believe it.

“Either heal you or kill you, both would have stopped you from slowing me down,” Lucifer says and continues to walk. “But, I assumed you would prefer to be healed, rather than killed.”

“Obviously,” Sam scoffs and picks up the same pace as Lucifer. He should have known better than to think the devil could have actually done this out of kindness. “Well, anyways. Thank you.” Sam feels dumb to say that, after Lucifer just told him he thought about killing him, but it still slips out.

“Don’t mention it, just keep going.”

Sam knows better than to argue with Lucifer, but he can’t suppress a slight smile spreading on his lips. Did Lucifer just look embarrassed, if only for a second?

The two keep walking in silence for a few hours, now with Sam finally being able to keep up with Lucifer’s speed. The other’s lack of communication leaves Sam a lot of time to think, but all he can think of is how to leave this place and if he would do so alive or dead, so it’s not really helping lifting his mood. The few times Sam actually tries to talk to Lucifer, he barely gets any response; usually not more than a shrug or one word. So, eventually, Sam just stops trying. The only thing that happens is that he feels more anxious every time he tries, so there’s really no use to it.

When it starts getting dark, the sky turns into the ominous purple again, but this time there is more to it. It’s roaring above their heads, almost like thunder as Sam knows it, but much more dangerous. He shoots Lucifer a worried glare, who catches it with the corner of his eye. For some reason, Sam expects a reaction, but he doesn’t get one.

A few minutes later they have to climb over a huge rock blocking their path and when Sam slides down the other side, he spots what looks like a cabin in the distance. He can’t make out much, but it’s different from the wasteland they have walked through so far and somehow this little change excites him. So far he has kept his distance to Lucifer, but now he grabs his arm and points towards the cabin.

“Is this what I think it is?” he asks, fearing he might be hallucinating.

“Yes, it’s the cabin I got your food from,” Lucifer nods and continues walking.

Sam had thought Lucifer was lying when he said he found the food in a cabin, but now he was kind of relieved. They make half the distance between them and the cabin when it suddenly starts pouring from the sky. Sam lets out a surprised gasp at how hot the rain feels and for the first time doesn’t care for what Lucifer does. It feels like the rain is burning and he simply starts running towards the cabin as fast as he can. He doesn’t want to be outside longer than absolutely necessary.

The door to the cabin is open, allowing Sam to find shelter without breaking in and not even five seconds later Lucifer follows. The devil shuts the door behind them and Sam lets out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell was that?” He gasps and lets himself fall onto the floor.

“Rain, obviously,” Lucifer says as if he’s talking to a five year old and walks past Sam, into a second room. 

Sam turns his head and peeks into it, but he can’t see much because it’s very dark inside. Now he takes in more of the cabin though. It's is old and decayed, but the walls seem to be without holes and the roof is still in a rather good condition, too, preventing the rain from reaching them at least. Sam does wonder how this cabin is still standing when everything around it is dead and destroyed, but he is thankful for this little gift.

After a few minutes Lucifer comes back into the main room and hands Sam what looks like a blanket and a pillow. Both are in a horrible condition and dirty as hell, but Sam takes them anyways. Lucifer’s behavior confuses him once more when the other sits down in a creaky old chair across him.

“It’s all I found, but it’s better than nothing,” he says calmly.

“Well, thank you,” Sam mumbles and looks at him. “Why are you doing that?”

“Do what?”

“Give me food, give me these,” he holds up the blanket. “Or heal the damage you caused.”

Lucifer gives him a flash of his red eyes, a warning and Sam knows that damn well, and shakes his head.

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Sam. It’s unhealthy.”

For a solid minute, all Sam can do is stare at Lucifer like a deer in the headlights. His right eye is twitching and he can feel anger building up in his stomach.

“You know, I’m not surprised no one likes you,” Sam huffs and gets off the floor. “You’re really a huge pain in the ass!” With these words he walks into the other room.

Sam assumes that he has just angered Lucifer again, but he’s really tired of this attitude. Sure, they are not friends, but isn’t it better to work together and not be assholes to each other when they are stuck in a world none of them understands? It’s not like he just called him the most generous person in existence! He just wants to know why he acts the way he does, that’s no reason to snap like that.

Frustrated and annoyed by his own confusing thoughts, Sam throws the pillow into a corner, letting the blanket follow shortly after. He sits down and takes the bag of food out of his jacket and almost angrily starts eating the remaining bread. He can hear Lucifer shuffling in the other room, but he tries to ignore it the best he can and tells himself that he doesn’t care at all for what the other is doing.

Half an hour later Sam is still chewing on the last piece of bread and suddenly a new sound, one that confuses him more than the others before, comes from the outside. He gets up and carefully peeks out of the room, finding Lucifer in front of the small fireplace Sam had not noticed before, poking into what would soon be a good fire. He furrows his brows at that.

“Getting cold?” he asks as mockingly as he can, trying to repay Lucifer for the favor of doing the same.

“I won’t get cold, but you will,” Lucifer answers emotionless and keeps poking the fire. “I would rather not find you frozen tomorrow morning.”

“As if you would care,” Sam huffs, but he can’t hide that he really is cold. Since it started raining the temperature has dropped significantly and he already has goosebumps on his arms. He goes back to the corner, grabs the blanket and returns to the room where Lucifer is. He makes sure not to sit down too close to the other, but still close enough to the fire to warm up, and wraps himself in the blanket.

It takes a while before the warmth starts spreading in the room, but when it finally does it’s like a gift from  Heaven for Sam. He’s not one to freeze easily, but it seems like this world has different rules than the one he comes from and the cold is affecting him much more than usual. This brings a new question though, one Sam has not thought of before.

“Where did you even get the wood from?”

“There is a stack behind the house, the roof protects it from the rain,” Lucifer informs him without much interest. He has stopped poking the fire by now and just stares into it, which gives his face a creepy red glow. “It will last for a while.”

Sam nods slowly, but doesn’t ask if Lucifer wonders where the wood even came from. There are no trees here, but he assumes this cabin has been abandoned for years. Maybe, at some point, there have been trees. He knows it doesn’t really matter, but since Lucifer is being an ass and he has no one to talk to, weird thoughts like that come and go, he can’t stop it. After a while, Sam sighs and leans against the wall behind him. He doesn’t want to, but he starts feeling a little better now that it’s warm.

“I would kill for a beer right now,” Sam suddenly sighs, not really thinking about who’s sitting in front of him.

“I cannot offer beer,” Lucifer says, slightly amused. “But there is a pump behind the house that goes into the ground, I assume you can get water from it.”

“Huh.”

Sam really needs something to drink, his throat is all dry and raspy, but he doesn’t want to go out and back into this demonic rain again. It’s still pouring down on them, he can hear it.

Suddenly, Lucifer stands up and Sam watches in confusion how he opens the door and walks outside. A few minutes pass before it opens again and Lucifer holds a metal bucket in his hands that he puts down next to Sam. He also hands Sam a mug with a broken handle, to which Sam can’t refuse a quiet ‘Thank you’.

“The rain is affecting you more than me,” Lucifer simply explains and sits back down.

Sam eyes the bucket closely, searching for any sign that this is a trap, but can’t spot anything suspicious. The water is not crystal clear, but it’s not really dirty either and when he takes out a mug full of it, it’s not looking dangerous at all. Cautiously, Sam takes a sip from the mug and smiles. Yes, it’s really just water and it doesn’t taste that bad at all. Not the water he is used to, not even the tap water from the bunker, but he expected much worse.

Over the next minutes, Sam drinks two mugs of water, relieving his throat from feeling sore. By now the little cabin is almost cozy and he feels a wave of tiredness wash over him. It’s very tempting to just lay down and sleep, but he doesn’t want to, at least not yet. Instead, he watches Lucifer for a while, who is still looking into the fire as if it’s the most fascinating thing he has ever seen. The crackling of wood and the sound of raindrops from the roof have a very soothing effect on Sam and soon he’s almost hypnotized by it, not even realizing when his eyes shut and he is off to dreamland.


	4. Stuck

As soon as Sam opens his eyes he knows that something is different. There is a giant pile of wood next to the fireplace, as well as two more buckets of water, and strange noises are coming from outside, a creepy howling and almost a waterfall of what Sam hopes is rain. The most significant change, however, is that he's alone. When he looks at the fire he's starting to worry; it's close to going out, which means Lucifer must be gone for quite some time already. 

Sam wiggles himself out of the blanket and crawls over to the fireplace. He puts three new pieces of wood into it when the door behind him suddenly bursts open. He's so surprised that he almost screams, but the sound dies in his throat when he sees Lucifer. 

The Devil is covered in blood again, fresh blood, and has huge scratches that look like claw wounds over his face. His steps are shaky when he walks into the cabin. Sam immediately stands up to close the door behind him, which is when he sees the creature Lucifer is dragging along. From outside comes a deafening noise, which finally causes Sam to push himself against the door with all his strength to close it.

“What happened?” Sam asks completely shocked. “Where  _ were _ you?”

Lucifer wipes a hand over his mouth, leaving it bloody and dirty, before finally letting go of the thing he brought in and turns around. Sam can't help but think he looks pleased with himself somehow.

“We will be stuck here for a while,” he informs Sam.

“What do you mean, stuck?”

“We are in the midst of what appears to be a very dangerous storm,” Lucifer explains and sits down in the old chair. “Leaving this cabin now is nothing you want to do.”

“But… but Dean… we have to…”

Sam's voice dies before he can finish his sentence. He doesn't know what to think. They are stuck? How can this be possible? 

“If you have a sudden death wish, feel free to leave,” Lucifer says cold. “But if you value your life, you should not set a foot outside.”

“And this… thing?” Sam doesn't know what it is, but it looks like some type of very mutated deer. It looks disgusting.

“Food,” Lucifer shrugs. “I saw one of them while getting water, but it was more aggressive than I expected.”

“It attacked you, didn't it?” Sam frowns, but Lucifer surprisingly smiles at him.

“Just scratches,” he says, pointing to his face and the wounds crossing it. “It thought I would be easy prey, but not anymore.”

Sam swallows down hard and then shakes his head. He walks over into the other room, searching for some type of cloth or anything similar. The only thing he can find is an old tattered shirt, but he takes it anyways and returns to Lucifer. It looks rather clean, much cleaner than the blanket at least, so he hopes it will work.

“If you don't heal them yourself we need to clean those,” he says. “This creature looks like it could be poisonous.”

“It might be, but I can't heal myself at the moment, I need to recover first.”

It's obvious what Lucifer implies and Sam doesn't like it. He has used a lot of his powers to heal him and kill this beast, there is not enough left to heal himself. Sam nods after a moment and takes the broken mug to get some water, then kneels down in front of Lucifer. He has done this countless of times with Dean, but when he soaks the shirt in the water and wrings most of it out, he feels very nervous suddenly. This is Lucifer after all, the Devil, the reason he is stuck in this world and still, Sam can't stand the thought of him sitting here like this, just because he healed him before. 

“Do you mind?” he asks and Lucifer nods slowly. Sam doesn't want to anger the other by stepping into his personal space without asking, there is really no need for another lesson of who is the stronger one.

As careful as possible, Sam cleans the wounds on Lucifer's face. The other closes his eyes after a while and just lets him work, but it's hard to stop his hands from shaking. Sam is aware of who he is patching up here, but he can't just let him sit there all bloody and messed up. Again and again he gets fresh water to clean the shirt with, working as gentle as possible to not cause any unnecessary pain. It takes quite some time to get rid of all the blood, but when Sam is done he can see that the wounds are not too deep.

“I don't have any balm on me,” Sam says, almost apologetic, and earns a weak smile in return. “The bleeding stopped for now, it might hurt a while, but it should work until you can heal them.”

“I appreciate your help, Sam,” Lucifer says and leans back into the chair while Sam puts the shirt away again.

“It's nothing,” Sam quickly replies, a little embarrassed, and shakes his head. “You got injured while getting food for me, it's the least I can do.”

Sam's eyes fall on the creature again and his face turns into a mask of disgust without his influence. He grabs it by one of its legs and pulls it towards the second room, the sound of it sliding over the floor alone being enough to send shivers down his spine. When it’s finally far enough in the room, Sam quickly grabs the pillow that he has left before and walks back out. It’s much better having this thing out of his sight, at least for Sam's stomach, and he returns his attention to the fireplace.

“How long do you think we have to stay here?” he asks when he's sure the fire is still burning and sits back down.

“A few days maybe,” Lucifer shrugs. “It feels like a very bad storm, but I don't know how long they tend to last here.”

“Damn.” 

Sam had expected this much, but hearing it is different. A few days, stuck with Lucifer in a small cabin and with no possibility to get away. That sounds like a lot of fun indeed. He can't believe his horrible luck when he leans back and lets out a frustrated growl. At least Lucifer made sure he would not starve, he thinks that's something good, even if he's not sure that he can eat this thing without poisoning himself. Maybe he will just spend the days sleeping, this way they won’t argue at least.

If Sam is honest, it  _ could _ be worse. But it could also be much better, if he wasn't stuck in this world to begin with. It would be nice if they could just spend this time in peace, but even after patching Lucifer up he's not sure if that's even possible. Being trapped, especially in small places like this, often brought out the worst in people and he's kind of scared for this to happen in this case too. He doesn't want to imagine how much worse Lucifer can get.

The two sit in silence for a while, both listening to the sounds of the storm outside and in their own thoughts. Sam tries to think of a way to kill time, but everything he can come up with involves them talking to each other and honestly? He's not sure Lucifer is fond of this idea. There's no way of telling what goes on in the Devil’s head, which is something that Sam finds difficult to deal with.

He unwillingly remembers the time when he understood Lucifer, when he was able to get behind his motives, even if he didn't agree with his actions. Now it's like he is in a room with a completely different person, one that he just can't grasp. It's strange, but Sam misses those times when he had sympathy for Lucifer. Sure, it was the apocalypse and it was one hell of a time, but whenever he had met Lucifer there was something else, something he could wrap his head around. Now everything is just a huge mess that gets worse every day and Sam hates it. If he could go back in time, Sam thinks he would do it. Maybe not because he wants to change things, but because things had been easier back then.

With a sigh, Sam pushes himself up from the floor and grabs a few more pieces of wood. The fire is still burning, but he needs to give his hands something to do or he will lose his mind. How he is supposed to stay sane for the next days is a mystery to Sam, really. He knows things will only get worse from here and he has absolutely no clue what to do about it.


	5. Frustration

With them being silent most of the time, the first morning goes by without any arguments. They just sit on the floor and regenerate their energy. Around noon, Lucifer walks into the second room and from the sounds Sam can tell that he is disassembling the deer-like creature he had killed. Sam really tries to not listen to it, but it's impossible to not notice it. Luckily, Lucifer works fast and after an hour announces that he got everything that he could. Together they manage to throw the rest of the creature out of the cabin, but now Lucifer is completely soaked in blood and it stinks so much of death that Sam's stomach twists.

He would ask Lucifer to change, but of course that's impossible, so he focuses on something else, roasting the meat for example. He finds some long metal rods in a broken drawer in the other room, which allow him to roast the chunks after Lucifer slices them into normal sized portions. Sam manages to push the rods between two panels of the floor, creating a very crude grill. For the first time since they got trapped in this world, Sam feels a wave of happiness, at least a small one. The grill works great and it doesn't take long before he has piled the cooked pieces of meat next to himself; on a part of the floor he has cleaned the best he could of course.

The meat doesn't look or smell bad at all, Sam has to admit that, but he still hesitates when he takes one of the pieces. It doesn't feel right somehow and after a moment he realizes why.

“Aren't you hungry too?” Sam asks, gaining Lucifer's attention for the first time in over an hour. He earns an almost pitiful glance.

“What makes you think I need to eat?”

“I know you don't  _ need _ to,” Sam rolls his eyes. “But you  _ can _ , right? Wouldn't it help to get your power back faster?”

Lucifer raises a brow at this, but he doesn't say Sam is wrong. Eventually, when Sam offers him a slice of meat, he takes it carefully. He kind of acts as if it's the first time, which surprises Sam.

“It's not a very balanced meal,” Sam shrugs and sniffs curiously on his own meat. “But I guess it will do.”

He doesn't wait for Lucifer to eat first, instead he rips a big chunk of meat out of his piece and begins to chew. The first second is like an explosion in his mouth. There is not even a single taste his tongue ever tasted before, but it's far from bad actually. Sam chews more eagerly, surprised by how delicious this ugly creature is and feels his hunger come back even more when he swallows.

“You should try it, really,” Sam says reassuringly and nods at Lucifer. “It's very good.”

If anything, Lucifer is twice as careful as Sam and only takes a tiny bite at first. His face is a mixture of confusion and what Sam thinks is surprise, but he doesn't seem to be too disgusted.

“And?” Sam asks, a little curious now.

“It tastes interesting,” Lucifer admits and takes another, slightly bigger bite.

Sam smirks at this and turns his attention back to his own food. He's positively surprised that Lucifer keeps eating, it's not what he expected at all. He remembers how Castiel always described food, how he said he could taste the molecules, and suddenly a wave of sadness takes over him. His hands drop to his lap, all good thoughts about having a nice meal completely gone. Castiel… he can't believe how he could forget. He was so winded up in his own situation that he didn't think about his friend for a moment and he feels like a complete asshole for it. 

Sam puts the half-eaten meat away and drops his gaze, turning around. He's not sure if he can get control back, but if he fails he doesn't want Lucifer to see him like this. Not after…

“What is wrong?” Lucifer suddenly asks a little surprised and Sam has to bite his bottom lip to not yell at him. “Are you done already?”

Sam forces himself to nod, but it's all he can do right now. His fingernails dig into his thighs and his lip is bleeding from just how hard he bites down on it - and still he can feel tears filling his eyes and the thought how much of a horrible friend he is running through his head. He can't understand how he's supposed to stop this feeling, especially not considering he sits here with the very one that killed Cas. And he acts as if it's a field trip in school!

_ You gotta keep it together _ , Sam thinks to himself, fighting against his urge to just screw everything and get as far away from this cabin and Lucifer as possible. He tries to keep breathing, slow and deep, but it takes a long time before he can relax his hands without bursting into tears. It's almost a miracle how he manages to let go of his lip, but when he does it still hurts; a stinging pain that helps focusing on something other than his guilt.

Lucifer doesn't talk to him about the food luckily, Sam doesn't know how he would react if he would. When Sam finally feels able to turn back around, he thinks his thoughts about Castiel are back under control. Lucifer eyes him very closely, but finishes eating before giving any form of other reaction. He actually smiles at Sam, which catches the hunter completely off guard.

Sam stares at him, unsure if he's supposed to laugh or slap Lucifer across the face. In the end he settles for a small nod, to not cause a fight with the other. He's angry, yes, but he doesn't want to die too because of it. Once he's out of this shitty world he will find a way to bring Cas back, he knows it. Until then he has to stay alive, even if it means playing nice with the Devil for now. It takes a lot of strength, but Sam finally manages to pick up his piece of meat again. He eats much slower now, but finishes it without the urge to throw up every second. 

It's strange sitting here with Lucifer. Yes, Sam is angry that he killed Cas, but a small part of him reminds him that Cas tried to kill Lucifer too and didn't that give him a reason to react in the same way? Sam wants to say no, but this tiny part of him stands with yes. He thinks this might be the little part that once helped him understand Lucifer. Now the other has moved so far away from him that Sam doesn't think he's still able to reach him, even if he breaks himself in the process. He's not even sure if Lucifer would care, that's the worst. Once he could feel that he cared, now he thinks this feeling has never been more than a make belief.

An hour passes in silence, until Lucifer breaks it by getting out of his jacket and walking over to Sam. The hunter is confused at first, but then sees Lucifer is putting the meat into the jacket, probably to move it somewhere else and prevent it from getting dirty. Sam wants to care, but he really can't right now. Not even a little. When the other comes back from the other room, without his jacket, Sam doesn't even look up.

“The meat should last a few days,” Lucifer says slowly, as if he's trying to control his voice. “If we are still stuck here after that, I can try to hunt more.”

“If you want to, sure,” Sam says, his eyes resting on the flames of the fireplace.

Once again Sam thinks Lucifer wants to say something, there's this tension in the air around him, but it stays silent and he's really not surprised. He throws another chunk of wood into the fireplace, watching the sparks fly through the air.

They don't talk anymore for the whole rest of the day and in the late afternoon Sam takes his pillow and blanket and retreats to the second room. He needs to be alone for a while and doesn't even bother looking at the puddle of blood that slowly dries on the floor. In the wardrobe that doesn't close anymore he finds a second blanket and uses it to make himself a somewhat comfortable bed on the floor. It's hard and colder than in the room Lucifer is in, but he doesn't care about that. He just lays down and stares at the ceiling until his eyes get too heavy to keep them open.

Out of everything, what follows him into his dreams is the question how it's possible that everything went so wrong, how Lucifer could have drifted so far away from his understanding that he seems to be out of his reach now. Sam sheds more than one tear during the night, but what sticks with him is something else.

It's the memory of sympathy, of wanting to reach out to Lucifer and stop the war against his brother; not for the world's sake, but for Lucifer’s. It's the moment Lucifer fought Dean and suddenly gave up all power he had over Sam, allowing him to regain control. It's the feeling he had in this moment, the feeling of someone who had lost his faith and hope, of someone who knew that he had nothing to win anymore. 

And the most vivid memory of all, the one Sam has never thought of in the last seven years; how his soul had embraced Lucifer when they fell, trying and failing to repair what had been broken so brutally. It's a feeling of utter helplessness when he realizes Lucifer is slipping out of his hands and he screams out his name in sheer desperation. 

This memory is so strong and agonizing that Sam jolts up from his sleep, his whole body covered in cold sweat and panting frantically. 


	6. Tension

Sam's scream is stuck in his throat and he couldn't be more thankful for that. His hands cover his mouth as soon as he realizes that he's awake, just to make sure no sound leaves his lips, and he stares at the door in complete horror. Lucifer must have heard him, it's impossible that he was quiet the whole time, but even after two minutes there is no reaction. Then, suddenly, Sam hears something and has to fight with himself to not chuckle. He doesn't know why Lucifer snoring is so hilarious right now, but he's suppressing his laughter so long that tears build up in his eyes.

When he feels like he's going to explode from having to hold it all in, he finally feels that he's calming down. It takes another five minutes before he can eventually take his hands off his mouth and starts breathing properly again.

Slowly, to not wake Lucifer up, Sam sneaks out of his improvised bed and looks into the other room. Lucifer is leaning against the wall, his head on his shoulder and his arms crossed. Sam notices the fire being once again close to going out, so he puts a few new chunks into it as quiet as possible. For a while he just sits in front of the fire and wonders why those repressed memories were suddenly coming back to the surface. There couldn't be a worse timing for that, especially now when Sam tries to act as normal as he can.

_ Maybe it's because you've been thinking about him for so long _ , Sam’s mind suggests at one point, which actually makes him wonder. He has thought about Lucifer a lot the last days, hasn't he? Often in not so nice ways, but also with some sort of remorse over what could have been. He doesn't like the thought, but it sounds pretty reasonable.

Sighing, Sam gets back up and decides to try catching another hour of sleep. He's unsure if it will actually work, but he doesn't want to think about this anymore. It takes long before he falls asleep again, but this time there are no memories at least, just darkness and silence.

The next time Sam wakes up it's because of a loud bang and Lucifer cursing out loud. He pushes himself off the floor, looking over to the door.

“What happened?” he asks with a sleepy voice, earning a groan in return.

“Nothing, everything is under control.”

Sam doesn't like the way that sounds. As if Lucifer has done something very reckless and tried to hide it now. Sam gets up and steps into the room just in time to see Lucifer get up from the floor too. The other is angrily kicking the chair away from him, which apparently broke and caused the bang.

“Not a word,” Lucifer warns Sam with red eyes and Sam nods dutifully. Mocking Lucifer now was the last thing on his mind for sure. It's not like this has never happened to him before too.

“What about the storm?” Sam asks instead. Lucifer shakes his head.

“I checked, it's getting worse,” he informs him and actually seems to be disappointed. “The rain is like razors now and the temperature dropped even more. We need to keep this fire going or you will not see tomorrow.”

Sam holds his breath, he had not expected it to be this bad. The fire is struggling to even burn right now, if they fall asleep at the same time again it will definitely go out. Such wonderful news in the morning, Sam is thrilled to see how much worse it will get. He goes back into the room he slept in and picks up the two blankets. One of them he hands to Lucifer, the other he wraps around himself again.

“Just in case you need it,” he says.

Lucifer gives him an estimating glare, but eventually nods. For now, he only drapes the blanket over his feet, but Sam is sure that will change soon. He sits down himself again, but the silence that follows feels kind of uncomfortable today. It might be because things outside get worse, meaning they will have to stay here longer than expected, but Sam also knows there is something in the air, something that one of them should address, even if he doesn’t know how.

Eventually, Lucifer stands up and gets the bag of fruits and some meat from the other room. He signs Sam to come closer when he sits down in front of the fire and Sam crawls towards it, curious what this is about. Lucifer takes the sharp metal piece he disassembled the creature with the day before and now starts slicing a yellow fruit and a piece of meat into smaller pieces he hands to Sam.

“Put them on there,” Lucifer says when Sam gives him a confused look and now the hunter finally gets it. That’s actually a pretty clever idea.

Sam spends the next minutes turning the metal bars, the ones he grilled the meat on before, into weird looking shish kebabs. He’s not so sure how the fruit will taste once it’s grilled, but he’s curious. He gives Lucifer two of the four kebabs when he’s done and they both hold them towards the fire. The meat is not raw anymore, so they just have to heat it up.

“You have some good ideas,” Sam admits when the fruit on his kebabs starts changing color and he turns them.

“I tasted one of those fruits before and they are very bad when you just eat them,” Lucifer shrugs. “Maybe this will help.”

“As clever as the Devil,” Sam actually smiles, but completely loses it when Lucifer adds;

“And twice as pretty, I know.” 

It’s impossible not to laugh, even if Sam has no idea why he does it. Lucifer is smiling himself, but he’s not actually laughing like Sam.

“I know your human phrases, Sam,” he simply says when Sam looks at him, which causes a new wave of laughter in the hunter. What the hell is wrong with him? When his laughter finally dies, Sam’s food is done and he leans back a little to calm down. He feels horrible and good at the same time, which is extremely confusing.

“Try it, it’s good,” Lucifer interrupts Sam’s thoughts and he sits back up to look over.

Lucifer already eats his first kebab and Sam really wants to try his own now. The first bite tastes even better than before today; seems like the mixture of meat and fruit is just right to make this combination amazing. Sam nods at Lucifer appreciatively and actually enjoys eating the whole time, not like yesterday. He can still feel the elephant in the room they need to talk about, but it has time. At least for now.

After eating, however, the nagging feeling in Sam’s stomach comes back and he knows he has to do something about it. Lucifer is poking the fire again, making sure it burns well, and he clears his throat a little awkwardly to get his attention.

“Lucifer, can I… ask you something?” His throat closes when Lucifer turns around with a questioning look on his face, making it very hard to get his next words out. “What… what happened to you?”

“Excuse me?” Lucifer raises a brow, obviously not understanding.

“I mean… I don’t get you anymore,” Sam eventually sighs and looks away. He can’t maintain eye contact with Lucifer when he says this, it feels like he’s going too far and it would only make things worse. “Seven years ago I… I could get behind why you were doing things. I didn’t like it, but I understood. Now… I just don’t anymore… I really tried, but I just can’t.”

Lucifer takes a long time before he answers, but when he does his voice shows no emotion and somehow that’s even worse for Sam than the words.

“You say it like it is a bad thing.”

“Is it not?” Sam asks confused, because for him it really is.

“What happened seven years ago doesn’t matter anymore, Sam. You made it clear where you stand, I have accepted your choice and moved on.” Lucifer shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t understand why you are surprised.”

Sam can’t answer at first, he’s too taken aback by Lucifer’s words. He never thought that this one little word would have such a huge impact, but apparently he was wrong with that.

“It still matters to me…” Sam eventually whispers sadly. He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps the blanket tighter around himself, as if to create a shield that will make him invisible. If only it worked.

“Why would it still matter?” Lucifer asks. “You said yes once, Sam, but you did it because you were out of ideas. You made that clear when I asked you again.”

“I… I wasn’t out of ideas,” Sam mumbles and looks away. “I thought this way I could stop everything. The last time…”

“The last time you needed my help, that’s all. You did not come to me just to pay me a visit, you wanted something from me.”

The knot in Sam’s stomach tightens. Lucifer is right. He only came to him because he needed him, not because he wanted to. He wants to say something, but the words won’t come and when Lucifer continues to speak he doesn’t have to anymore.

“There is no reason for you to understand me anymore, Sam. The apocalypse is over, I have a vessel now that can hold me, I don’t need you to say yes anymore.” Something about Lucifer’s voice is off, but Sam can’t lay a finger on it.

“So, that’s it?” Sam asks and looks up. “You don’t give a shit anymore, try to destroy the world again and spit in God’s face?”

“The last bit sounds like it could be amusing,” Lucifer admits with a chuckle. “What do you expect me to do, Sam? Lay back and enjoy the clouds? Have a nice cup of tea and chat with old friends?”

“I don’t know, but not… this!” 

“It’s over, I accepted that. This world, or at least our world, means nothing to me anymore. Nothing does.”

Sam feels very heavy suddenly. He doesn’t want to believe what Lucifer says is true, but he sounds so sincere that he can’t tell himself he’s lying.

“If you feel this way it would be better if you just ended this now,” Sam finally says. He’s at wit’s end, if Lucifer tells the truth he knows there is no way to end this well.

“And your purpose to fight all evil, to save the world?” Lucifer mocks, but Sam doesn’t react apart from shaking his head. “Aren’t you the hero in this story?”

“Not anymore, apparently. Heroes save the ones who deserve it, I don’t.”

Sam lays down where he sits, his knees still so close to him that he’s nothing more than a ball under his blanket. It feels horrible and absolutely wrong to hear these things, but he brought them upon himself; he had to say something dumb. He can’t believe that there is nothing left of the Lucifer he thought he knew once. This is worse than a nightmare, even worse than the one he had last night. He’s really stuck in bizarro world and doesn’t understand it at all.

Sam doesn’t know how long he lays there and tries not to make a sound or move, but eventually, his bodily functions force him to get up. Lucifer watches closely as he walks to the door and lays an ear against it, trying to figure out if it’s possible to go outside or not.

“Want to kill yourself?” Lucifer scoffs and Sam shoots him a glare.

“I’m taking a piss, if the that’s okay for the evil overlord!” he barks. “We can’t all be immortal creatures of darkness, I apologize!”

He doesn’t care anymore if the rain will slice him open or not, right now he really just wants to get out of here for as long as he can. As soon as the door closes behind him though, Sam realizes that Lucifer had not exaggerated when he said it got worse.

The sky is pitch black, apart from the dooming red lightning that constantly hits the ground, and the roaring thunder is even louder than two days ago. Sam is still protected by the roof, but he can see the raindrops hitting the now muddy ground. They don’t look dangerous, but as soon as Sam reaches out with a hand and one hits his skin he realizes that they are. The single drop of rain felt like a bullet already and left a small red dot on his skin, along with an unpleasant burning. 

Sam forgets the idea of walking behind the cabin without much hesitation and simply relieves himself right where he stands. It’s not like anyone would care, and no one is watching either, so he doesn't really worry. When he is ready to go back inside, however, he suddenly hears a sound so eerie and bone chilling that he freezes in place. He would run if he could move his legs, but all he can do is stand there and stare into the darkness surrounding him, praying that the sound will not come back. It doesn’t, but when he hears another sound that is just a high-pitched screech he screws that he has to go back inside where Lucifer is and rips the door open with force, smashing it close just the same when he’s inside.

Only now, Sam finally allows himself to breathe again. What the hell  _ was  _ this thing? Or better, those  _ things _ , because Sam is pretty sure those were different creatures. His heart still beats for its life, even now that he is back in safety. He’s pretty sure the next time he’s just gonna wet himself if it means he doesn’t have to go back out there.

Lucifer still shows no reaction to him coming back, but it’s not like he expected one, or even worse: concern. Seems like he needs to change his view on the devil drastically. When Sam tries to sit back down, however, he suddenly sees something lying where he sat before and frowns.

“Where did that come from?”

“I found it between the firewood,” Lucifer just shrugs, as if that would explain anything.

Sam is even more confused now, but still picks the dirty looking paper up. He blows on it a few times to get the dust off, revealing something that actually makes him laugh out loud, despite the horror he has just gone through. Lucifer really found a magazine between the wood, something Sam thought he would never see again. He still feels very confused when he sits down this time, but this is a much welcomed distraction and he would be very dumb to throw it away.

“This thing must be a few years old or so,” Sam huffs amazed when he browses through the pages. The magazine is still in a rather good condition, even though some pages stick together and others have been scribbled on. “I have never seen any of these people before.”

“Of course not,” Lucifer laughs. “This is an alternate universe, everything is different here.”

“Wow, thanks for educating me, Sherlock.” Sam rolls his eyes, already annoyed again. He shifts a little to sit more comfortable against the wall and begins reading the magazine. At least this way he doesn’t have to pay attention to Lucifer for a while. It’s a women’s magazine, but he really can’t be picky right now, can he?


	7. A Fateful Idea

After an hour and a half, Sam knows how to put on perfect winged eyeliner, what kind of skirt will make sure his ass won’t look too fat and how to make the perfect salad for dieting. This magazine is as boring as any other women’s magazine he has seen in his life, but it’s something to occupy his mind that is not called Lucifer, so he doesn’t complain. While browsing through it a second time, Sam stumbles across an article he didn’t see before. 

“‘To fall in love with anyone, do this.’” Sam reads the title out loud in disbelief. What on earth? “‘These thirty-six questions are guaranteed to make you fall in love with anyone, whether you believe it or not. Scientifically proven, this exercise tackles everything that is needed for a deep and caring relationship when answered honestly.’” Sam shakes his head and closes the magazine. “Alright, that’s it. This world  _ is  _ absolutely insane. What utter nonsense.”

Sometime while Sam was reading, Lucifer had looked up at him and now speaks too.

“Don’t get too offended, Sam, but since you humans are very easy to manipulate, this might actually work on you.”

“Easy to manipulate, really?” Sam huffs and glares at Lucifer. “Like  _ you  _ manipulated me in the past?”

“If you think I did, go ahead,” Lucifer shrugs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “All I say is that psychological tricks work surprisingly good on your species and that it might actually be possible to create a feeling you would call love with this.”

“I really can’t see that happen, sorry.” Sam isn’t sure why he apologizes, but falling in love over some silly questions just sounds really dumb. And he’s kind of offended that Lucifer implies he’s weak enough for it to work.

“You can always try it to see if it works,” Lucifer suggests with a smug smirk on his face that screams this is some kind of trap.

“And who should I test it with?” Sam raises a brow, not liking where this is going. “You are the only one around and I highly doubt you would give a single fuck if I fall in  _ love  _ with you or not.”

“You sound pretty convinced it won’t work anyways, so what do you fear to lose?”

Sam huffs, but he is kind of intrigued, he can’t deny it. There’s no way he can fall in love with Lucifer, that’s true, but he really wants to prove that. Eventually, he sighs.

“I swear, if you are playing tricks on me or lie, I will do to you what you did to this thing you brought in,” he warns Lucifer and opens the magazine again. “I will tell the truth and you will too. No games. No cheating and no skipping questions. Deal?”

There’s a very pleased smile on Lucifer’s lips now, one that almost looks like he just won an important argument. He nods and moves away from the wall he’s leaning against, back to the fire. Sam follows up, with enough space between them so they don’t touch, but close enough to make this more personal.

“I will not lie, Sam,” Lucifer says, his eyes as sincere as possible. “I will even go so far as to apologize if you were right and nothing happens.”

“Hmpf, we’ll see.” Sam doubts Lucifer will apologize, but there is a first time for everything he guesses. “Okay, first question: Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”

“You mean, this world?” Lucifer asks amused and Sam tilts his head as if to ask him if he’s serious.

“No, our world of course. Don’t start to mock this with the first question already or we can stop right away.”

“Whatever you say, Sam,” Lucifer smirks. “I think, if I could choose anyone, dead or alive… I would say my father.”

This answer surely surprises Sam.

“God? Why him?” he asks curious. “I never thought you were eager to see him again?”

“And why is that, Sam? Do you have the slightest idea?” Lucifer asks sarcastically. “I have not talked to him since… he ordered Michael to cast me out. If I could have dinner with him, he would  _ have  _ to talk to me at some point.”

“Huh.” Sam huffs weakly. This isn’t what he expected, to be honest it kind of makes him sad to hear the one Lucifer really wants to talk to is his father.

“What about you?” Lucifer asks when Sam stays silent.

“I don’t know…” Sam answers honestly. He never thought about this question before. “I mean, there are a lot of people I’d like to have dinner with, but…”

“I assume you are supposed to answer with  _ one  _ person, aren’t you?”

“Well…” Sam feels really dumb right now, why is this so hard? “I think I would choose Jess,” he eventually says a little ashamed and looks down.

“Your girlfriend who died on the ceiling?”

“Thanks for reminding me,” Sam snaps at Lucifer, who is surprised by the sudden anger. “Yes, this girlfriend! I never had the chance to tell her I’m sorry for what happened to her, I wish I could do that…”

“You need to stop blaming yourself for everything, Sam,” Lucifer sighs. “It’s very honorable that you want to apologize for what happened to her, but you keep dragging this huge guilt with you wherever you go, don’t you think it’s time to let some of that go?”

“You mean, like you let go of it?” Sam asks. “If it means I will become like you when I let my guilt go, then no thank you. I’d rather keep it.”

“That’s not what I meant, but alright. Go ahead, next question.”

“Yeah… better move on,” Sam sighs and looks for question number two in the magazine. “Alright, it says: Would you like to be famous? In what way?”

“That’s a very unfortunate question, I would say I already  _ am  _ famous.”

“I'm not sure being the devil counts,” Sam frowns and decides to answer the question himself first. “Look, I wanted to be a famous lawyer when I was younger. I wanted to help people and prevent injustice.”

“That sounds like a huge waste of time,” Lucifer snorts.

“Maybe to you,” Sam rolls his eyes annoyed. “It's not what I want to be famous for anymore anyways.”

“You could become famous for killing me,” Lucifer suggests with a smirk when Sam looks at him, which causes the hunter to feel a shiver run down his spine.

“Why do you keep daring me to kill you?” Sam asks, he really hates those remarks. “It's getting really annoying.”

“You are a hunter, aren't you? Your purpose in life is to fight evil, I am evil. Fill in the blanks.”

“It's getting old, really,” Sam sighs. “And tiring.”

“Whatever you say, Sam,” Lucifer raises his hands in defeat and smirks. “What do you want to be famous for now?”

“I don't think I want to be famous anymore… I just want a normal life, that's all.” Sam shrugs. He's been living this life for so long that a normal life is probably impossible by now, but that doesn't meant he doesn't want it anymore.

“A normal life as in; a wife and children and a small house with a dog and a white fence?” Lucifer raises a brow, slightly amused, and looks at Sam.

“Whatever.” Sam waves his hand. He's not talking about this with the Devil, no way. “Just no monsters anymore or saving the world, that's all I want. Can we move on or do you have something to add?”

“Move on, please,” Lucifer gestures. “I don't have the need to be more famous than I already am either.”

“Good. Third question: ‘Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?’ Those are some really weird questions.”

“I agree with you on that,” Lucifer chuckles. “But my answer is no, the few times I have used a telephone so far I have never felt the need to do that.”

“Me neither,” Sam shakes his head. “A lot of people do that to make sure they don't stutter or forget what to say, but I never did that.”

“Interesting.”

Sam gives Lucifer a suspicious glare, but he doesn't specify what's so interesting, so he ignores the comment and moves on.

“Next question: ‘What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?’” Sam reads. Now, this is something he's interested in hearing the answer, so he looks up at Lucifer with a lot of curiosity in his eyes. “So?”

“A perfect day?” Lucifer asks a little surprised. Apparently he didn’t expect such a question. He shifts a little, then a weak smile appears on his lips. “It’s very hard to explain what a perfect day for me would be, I’m not sure you would be able to grasp it completely.”

“Try me,” Sam shrugs, now even more curious than before. Why is Lucifer so vague?

“Okay, I will try,” Lucifer says and closes his eyes. “A perfect day would be one of complete silence, not disturbed by any sound that comes from humans. It would be the wind rustling through grass, the sun spending life to the planet and the sky turning dark when night falls, showing stars you have never even seen before. A perfect day, is a day before humans destroyed this planet, when everything was just beautiful and peaceful.”

“I would love to see that,” Sam whispers, completely caught by surprise. What Lucifer described sounds too good to be true and if he could see it with his own eyes just once, he’s sure it would probably change his life forever.

“It will never happen again, sadly,” Lucifer sighs and opens his eyes to look back at Sam. “But it’s a distant memory that I would describe as my perfect day. What about you?”

It takes a while before Sam can collect himself fully, the sudden sadness in Lucifer’s voice when he spoke about his perfect day is still nagging on him for some reason. He feels sorry that Lucifer will never be able to relive such a day in his life, which gets even worse when he thinks about humanity being the reason for it.

“Okay, yes,” Sam eventually says, forcing his thoughts away from pity and shakes his head. “I think a perfect day, for me, would be just a day where we don’t hunt monsters. Just me and Dean and… Cas… visiting a beach or something, with a few beers and pretending this is our life. No fighting, no running away from things that try to kill us; just us and some happiness…”

“You must hate me for what I did to Castiel,” Lucifer sighs quietly.

“I have lots of reasons to hate you, I think,” Sam huffs. “Cas is only one of them. But… it’s not that easy, really.”

“Why not?” Lucifer wants to know. “I killed your friend, in front of your eyes, causing you and your brother to suffer. To me, this is a very easy situation.”

Part of Sam wants to agree, but a different part, a much smaller one, knows better. He shakes his head and rolls the magazine up with his hands, just to give them something to do right now.

“What you did was horrible, yes…” he mumbles, looking down at the floor to avoid Lucifer’s glare. “I hated you when you did it, you can’t imagine how much. But, it’s not the worst thing you have ever done, I know that. It hurt me a lot, it still does, but you did worse.”

“He can come back, you know,” Lucifer suddenly says and Sam’s head flies up.

“What? How?”

“I have killed Castiel before and he came back. He died more than once and always came back,” Lucifer’s face suddenly changes when he continues to speak, but Sam can’t quite tell what kind of expression he is failing to hide. “He is one of the few angels father actually cares about. If Dean doesn’t find a way to bring him back,  _ He  _ will.”

Now it finally clicks and Sam narrows his eyes slightly. He recognizes this expression, he has seen it before, years ago when Lucifer talked about Michael. It’s contempt.

“You’re mad he would never do this for you, aren’t you?” Sam asks before he can stop himself, but instead of rage, Lucifer’s answer is an almost unnoticeable nod.

“I don’t know why Castiel is so special to him, but knowing that he values him more than everyone else, including me, is very unpleasant.”

“I understand you,” Sam sighs and earns a very confused look from the blond. “I felt the same whenever dad put Dean in front of me. I never understood why he did it, I tried to do everything I could to be a good son, but Dean was always stronger, always better. I thought if I just tried hard enough, maybe he would stop favoring Dean. But it never worked, it only made things worse…”

“Do you think your father knew?” Lucifer asks. “How much his behavior hurt you?”

“I… I don’t know… maybe he did, but he never showed me. Did yours?”

“Never,” Lucifer shook his head. “He never bothered to acknowledge what he did to me, because it was the way he made me. He knew what would happen and I was merely a toy that he pushed around.”

“No… I don’t think you were,” Sam suddenly says, furrowing his brows.

“I was, Sam,” Lucifer insists, but without much pressure. “In his eyes I was always evil.”

“No, you weren’t,” Sam shakes his head again, refusing to accept Lucifer’s words. “You are his  _ son _ , he  _ made  _ you, yes, but he didn’t make you evil, I don’t believe that. What happened changed you, that’s all.”

“It’s a nice thought,” Lucifer smiles, but his eyes are still filled with sadness. “If you want to believe it, go ahead. But I don’t believe he ever cared or regretted what he did to me.”

“I would,” Sam says honestly, which surprises Lucifer visibly. “If I were God, I would regret it more than you can imagine. He might have left, but you are still his son and you will always be. I know my dad did some very horrible things and often treated me horribly, but I also know deep down he loved me a lot. He just couldn’t show it.”

Lucifer doesn’t answer, but Sam can see that he’s thinking. He’s not sure how much of what he just said actually got through to the other, but he hopes it’s a little at least. Somehow, he is very sorry for what Lucifer had to go through. It’s different from the last time he felt sympathy for him, however, because this time there is nothing Lucifer actually wants from him. Sam is now obliged to feel anything towards him and still, there he is, wanting to spend comfort to the Devil. It sounds insane, but it’s true.


	8. Deep Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, this chapter is very long ^^"

After almost ten minutes, Lucifer finally breaks the silence between them.

“Can we continue with the questions?” Lucifer asks, visibly uncomfortable. “I would prefer not to talk about my father at this point.”

“Of course, yes,” Sam quickly agrees, glad that their conversation didn’t end with Lucifer snapping again. He unrolls the magazine again and searches for the page, smiling when he reads the question. “Maybe you will like this one: ‘When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?’”

“The last time I sang to someone else?” A sad smile plays on Lucifer’s lips when he looks at Sam, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “You can’t remember?”

“Me?” Sam asks confused. “Why should I remember you singing?”

Lucifer lowers his head, shaking it slowly. He looks disappointed.

“I didn’t expect you to, after all, it’s been a long time,” he says quietly. “Close your eyes and listen, maybe you’ll remember then.”

Confused, Sam does as Lucifer asks and closes his eyes. He doesn’t know what he is supposed to remember, Lucifer never sang to him. A few moments it stays silent and Sam almost expects this to be some joke, when he suddenly hears Lucifer again and is completely blown away.

Lucifer’s voice is crystal clear, filling every cell of his body as he sings, and Sam can feel the hairs on his arms rising at this eerie and hauntingly beautiful sound. That’s not all though. Sam can’t understand the language Lucifer sings in, but suddenly he remembers that he has indeed heard this before. The memory is intense, overwhelming even, and he feels a few tears escaping his eyes when it takes over him. They were in the cage, yes. He remembers everything now; how Lucifer had embraced Sam’s weak and vulnerable soul, singing this very same melody to calm him. Sam can see them, huddling together to protect each other, and it’s a picture he can’t believe he was ever able to forget.

When Lucifer’s voice fades, Sam slowly opens his eyes and looks at the Devil in sheer disbelief and with a dull ache in his chest. His eyes are soft on him, making it hard to swallow the lump in his throat to speak.

“That was… beautiful…”

“Do you remember now?” Lucifer asks, dismissing the compliment. Sam nods.

“You sang to me when we were in the cage,” Sam whispers. 

“I did, yes,” Lucifer smiles. “It was the last time I sang to someone else.”

“And to yourself?”

“Later… much later, when you were already gone,” Lucifer sighs. “I sometimes sang this melody to myself. But it was never the same.”

“I’m sorry…” Sam mutters under his breath, extremely embarrassed somehow. “I don’t know how I could forget, I feel really dumb that I did.”

“It’s okay, Sam,” Lucifer says. “I did not expect you to remember. Your stay there was not a very pleasant one, that you forgot is just natural.”

“Still, I will not forget it this time, promised.”

“We will see,” Lucifer just smiles, as if he knows something Sam doesn’t. “When did you sing the last time?”

“I don’t really sing much,” Sam frowns. “I mean, sometimes I sing with Dean when we drive, it’s impossible not to when he pesters me. But, alone, I usually don’t sing.”

“A shame, really. Your voice would sound very good singing.”

“Thank you,” Sam isn’t sure if he should be flattered or not, but he kind of is. “Maybe I’ll pick up singing one day, when I have a reason to, you know.”

“Sometimes you don’t need a reason to sing,” Lucifer shrugs. “Music is medicine for the soul, sometimes when you sing you heal your soul, even if you don’t realize it.”

“Are you speaking as yourself now or as the angel of music?” Sam asks with a smirk and Lucifer actually chuckles.

“You can decide on that,” he eventually answers, smiling himself.

“I will keep it in mind. Another question?” Sam doesn’t really mind doing this with Lucifer right now, he imagined it being much worse. They only talked and it was kind of nice talking to Lucifer on a normal, not threatening level.

“If you want to continue, of course,” Lucifer says and waves his hand.

“This one is a little strange, but okay. ‘If you were able to live to the age of ninety and retain either the mind or body of a thirty -year-old for the last sixty years of your life, which would you want?’”

“So, the choice is basically to not age or to not evolve mentally?” Lucifer asks and Sam shrugs.

“I guess so, yeah. It could also mean that you won’t suffer from dementia or alzheimers when you are older, in this case I would definitely choose the mind.”

“It sounds like you are afraid of losing your mind to me.”

“I  _ am _ ,” Sam says and gives Lucifer a stern look. “You might not understand it, but I was about to lose my mind so often already, it’s a very scary thing to happen, especially when you can’t do anything about it. If I can prevent losing my mind or suffering from hallucinations, I will gladly take it.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Sam,” Lucifer quickly says and shakes his head in apology. “I was just wondering why you would sacrifice your body and physical condition for it.”

“Would you choose the body then?” Sam asks surprised. “What good is it if you look like you are thirty, but your mind is just a vegetable and you can’t use it?”

“I admit, you have a fair point,” Lucifer nods. “Maybe this is very hard for me to understand because I don’t age like you do, not even my vessels do.”

“Must be nice,” Sam chuckles. “So, mind is it for you, too?”

“If I was human, then I would probably choose my mind, too, yes,” Lucifer admits. “Given it means what you assume it does. If it means I would be stuck with the same exact state of mind I have at the age of thirty, however, I would choose the body.”

“Obviously,” Sam laughs out. He’s surprised they think alike on this topic. “Next one: ‘Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?’ Now we’re getting to the deep things it seems.”

“I would honestly prefer if you answered this one first, because I fear you will not like my answer,” Lucifer says seriously and Sam actually blinks surprised.

“I-if you want to, okay?” He’s not sure why Lucifer thinks he won’t like his answer, but he doesn’t mind going first. “I feel like I will go out in a fight. I mean, it happened before, more than once, so I guess that’s what it will end with.”

“Dying a fighter, that sounds like you indeed,” Lucifer smiles. “Sam Winchester has to go down like this, right?”

“I would prefer not to, really,” Sam smirks a little sad. “But I doubt I’ll die of old age in a retirement home somehow. Now it’s your turn.”

“I will die by your hands.”

Sam thinks he misheard Lucifer, but the look on the other’s face shows him that he didn’t. Lucifer actually believes he will kill him, even though Sam has no idea how this could be possible.

“Why me?” he eventually manages to ask with slightly a shaking voice.

“It’s logical,” Lucifer shrugs slowly. “I feel that one day we will be in this situation. I’m not saying I want it to happen, but after everything, I believe you have every right to end my existence.”

“I wish you’d stop saying that,” Sam scowls. “If you force me to, it might happen, but it doesn’t have to end this way.”

“If I asked you to kill me,” Lucifer asks more serious than before. “Would you do it?”

“I… I really don’t know if I could…” Sam feels horrible somehow, not only because of this question but because of the whole topic. “Can we move on please?”

“Of course we can, I apologize for bringing this up.” Lucifer looks like he actually feels sorry, which makes Sam feel a little better. “But, you said we should be honest.”

“I know, it’s okay, really,” Sam says and shakes his head. “I’m just not comfortable with this topic, no offense. Okay, let’s see what we have next… ‘Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.’”

“Partners takes it a bit far, but I can look past those details,” Lucifer smiles. “Let’s see, three things we have in common…”

“Don’t you dare say we both kill people, Lucifer,” Sam warns the other and glares at him. “That’s not what they are talking about.”

“You take away my bullets, but as you request,” Lucifer is more than a little amused now, it’s obvious. “We both have older brothers that mistreated us in the past.”

“Wait a second,” Sam interrupts him, slightly angry. “Speak for yourself, please, will you?”

“Sam, be honest,” Lucifer gives him a knowing glare. “You know your brother doesn’t treat you right most of the time, don’t you?”

Sam bites his lip and really tries to not agree with Lucifer, but he knows he’s right. It sucks and it’s difficult to admit, but Dean really isn’t the best brother all the time.

“Sometimes, maybe,” he eventually huffs, looking away. “But I’d rather not have that as one thing we have in common. Michael was much worse…”

“Good, I will not count this one then. We have both been treated as monsters and dangerous, even when we did nothing wrong. We both have a highly dysfunctional family and we were both forced into a life we never asked for. Do you want more?”

“No… no I think that’s enough…” Sam frowns. “We also pretty much lost most of the people we loved… would be nice if there was a good thing we have in common though.”

“Well, we are both very stubborn and refuse to go down,” Lucifer suggests happily. 

“I’ll take that as good, it’s better than killing people at least,” Sam smiles weakly. “Wanna quit or continue?”

“I don’t plan to stop, do you?”

“No, I’m actually enjoying this, for the most part at least. The next one will break your neck though, I know it. ‘For what in your life do you feel most grateful?’”

“Why would this question break my neck?” Lucifer asks confused and Sam chuckles.

“I have yet to see you grateful, honestly. But, please, prove me wrong.” Sam crosses his arms, waiting for nothing.

“You will be surprised, but I can be grateful. In fact, I am very grateful that you freed me from the cage, Sam.”

“Of course you are.” Sam rolls his eyes. “I didn’t expect less.”

“You think it’s because I could start the apocalypse, but you are wrong.” Lucifer speaks very quietly, as if the words hardly come out. “I have spent eons in this prison, Sam. Alone. Being freed, even if it was not your intention… I will forever be grateful for that. You broke me out of my cage, allowed me to feel freedom again when I already forgot what this feeling even was.”

“Wow…” Sam whispers amazed. “I never thought about it this way.”

“You never had to,” Lucifer shrugs. “What are you grateful for?”

“For my mom and Dean,” Sam smiles weakly. It feels almost meaningless after Lucifer's words, but that's what he's grateful for the most. “They are alive, both, and I'm very grateful for that.”

“I assumed this answer already.”

“Am I that predictable?” Sam isn't surprised, even though a bit hurt. By all of this, not just Lucifer's assumption.

“No, of course not,” Lucifer smiles. “Continue.”

“Okay, yeah.” Sam takes a moment to find the righting again before reading the next question. “‘If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?’”

“I would spend more time with my younger brothers, especially Gabriel,” Lucifer sighs. This answer is not what Sam expected. “There is so much I could never teach him.”

“You loved him, didn't you?” Sam asks quietly, almost scared of the answer. “Even when he turned on you, you still loved him.”

“Would you still love Dean if he would turn on you?” Lucifer asks back and their eyes meet for a brief moment. Something is happening, Sam can feel it, but he can't say what. It's like a mutual understanding between them.

“Of course I would,” Sam eventually says, breaking this weird connection he can't explain.

“I knew you would,” Lucifer nods. “I still love Gabriel too, as much as I am able to at least. It was not enough to save him, but if we would have had more time, maybe things would be different now.”

“Maybe…” Sam's voice is thick and he has to fight to keep it from cracking somehow. “I'm sorry you two were ripped apart too soon.”

“Thank you, but you don't have to feel sorry. Nothing could have changed it.”

“I know, but still.” Sam can't even imagine how it would be if Dean had been ripped away from him like this, but he can feel that Lucifer doesn't want his pity. “I would change that my mom died… this way dad would have never tried to hunt the demon down and we could have lived a normal life…”

“Where do you think you would be now, if this had happened?”

“Probably in this house we talked about earlier, with two and a half kids and a dog and a boring office job,” Sam sighs. For a moment he looks over at Lucifer, daring him to say something, but there is nothing coming from the other. “I really don’t know,” he finally admits and shrugs.

“You missed her growing up, it’s natural that you want her back,” Lucifer says quietly and leans back. “Do you want to continue?”

Sam nods and looks for the next question, a bit uncomfortable in his own skin. “There are two more questions, I think we can take a break then. It’s getting late.”

“As you wish,” Lucifer smiles, but this time Sam notices the smile isn’t cocky or overly self-confident, it’s just a smile.

“‘Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.’”

“Do you think we have to do that?” Lucifer asks and raises a brow. Sam looks up, not really in the mood to actually retell his life story. Lucifer knows it already anyways.

“We can skip it if you want to, or is there something we don’t know about each other’s life in general?”

“Well, I had a rather wild time shortly after the creation of humans, if that counts,” Lucifer suggests with a slight grin and Sam feels his face heat up a bit, which causes him to quickly turn his head away.

“Yeah, no, thank you,” he says and clears his throat. “No need for your wild times here. Let’s go to question twelve: ‘If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?’”

“Any quality or ability?” Lucifer asks surprised and Sam nods before looking up.

“Like the ability to fly or speak ancient Greek. Stuff like that.”

“You _had_ to bring flying into this, Sam,” Lucifer huffs, giving him a quick glare. “Are you naturally this rude and thoughtless or is this just something you do with me?”

Sam is baffled. His mouth opens for a moment, but there is no sound coming from him and he just stares at Lucifer with big and confused eyes. His whole body tenses up, without him even knowing why.  


“Sam, relax,” Lucifer suddenly laughs and shakes his head with a grin. “Do you really think I get offended by that? I was under the impression you could take a joke.”

“I…  _ what _ ?”

“I was  _ joking _ , Sam,” Lucifer says again, tilting his head. “I won’t rip your head off or something like that, you can stop trying to find a way to apologize.”

“I didn’t…” Sam’s voice ebbs away as he glares down at his hands. He was trying to do just that, wasn’t he? Because he thought he had offended Lucifer with this one word and didn’t like it. What was happening here?

“To answer your question, I would like being able to fly again. It makes you feel… free. It’s hard to explain, but it’s one of the most intense feelings in the world. It feels like you are invincible, as if nothing in this world can hold you back. You feel powerful and immortal in a way.”

“So,” Sam swallows down the lump in his throat and continues. “This is what you would like to wake up with? The ability to fly again?”

“I know my time of flying is over, but if I had the chance, I would do it again. So, yes.”

“I would love to fly, too,” Sam smiles weakly. “Not in a plane, that’s boring. But, really fly. I often dreamed of flying as a kid, it was crushing when I woke up and realized I was still on the ground, with no wings to carry me. It’s selfish, but it’s something I would like to wake up with too…”

“You have a right to be selfish, Sam, you know that, don’t you?” Lucifer asks, a tad amused. “You don’t have to put the world and everyone else before you all the time.”

“That’s easy to say for someone who doesn’t care for anything but himself,” Sam huffs and closes the magazine. He’s not mad, not really. But, maybe, he’s a bit envious. Because he just can’t shake things off as easy as Lucifer can.

“Those who don’t care, once cared too much, Sam,” Lucifer sighs. “I never claimed to be a saint, I was never meant to save the world.”

“Just to destroy it, right?”

“What do you want me to say?” Lucifer asks and sits up straight. “That I feel sorry? That I feel guilty for the things I’ve done?”

“For starters,” Sam shrugs. “But I know you’re not. Maybe you were in the past, but now you just want to watch the world burn, don’t you?”

“Maybe it’s a pretty view.” Lucifer shrugs and stands up, stretching his limbs that crackle from sitting in the same position for so long. “I don’t expect you to understand, Sam. You know that people change, but you are too trapped by your own suffering to look past the box you let others put you into.”

“You’re right,” Sam says and stands up himself. “I can’t help that I want to save the world, sorry for that. But, there’s a difference between sacrificing yourself and helping people.”

“But you do sacrifice yourself, Sam.” Lucifer gives him a stern look. “When you were going through the trials, were you not ready to die in the process, sacrificing yourself just to be worth of your brother’s love? Do you really believe this is the way to go? Should your brother not love you unconditionally?”

“He does,” Sam scoffs, but he knows that’s not how he feels. Throughout his whole life, did he not try to prove himself worthy of Dean and his dad every single day? Did he not feel guilty and worthless when he failed them? And still, he loves Dean without a doubt. Sometimes he’s not so sure Dean feels the same though. “He loves me,” he says again, more firmly. “He just doesn’t show it all the time.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Sam,” Lucifer nods slowly. “I mean, you made it this far doing so, after all.”

“How about you shut up about things you don’t know anything about?” Sam asks sharply, narrowing his eyes. “It’s always been just Dean and me, if you think he doesn’t love me you can walk out of this door and fuck off, seriously.”

“Alright, alright,” Lucifer quickly says and lifts his hands in defeat. “No need to get yourself wet, I will be silent.”

“Thank you!”

Sam huffs and stomps over to the fire, poking it so the cold cabin would heat up again. He doesn’t want to fight right now, not after the rather civil conversation they just had. And it makes his guts twist, thinking about Dean at the moment. It’s enough to be stuck here for now, he doesn’t need a guilt trip over his brother added to the fun. He doesn’t even know how long this situation will last or what will come after - taking even more onto himself right now is the worst thing he can do and Sam knows it.

It’s a strange mood after the two finished the first set of questions. Lucifer has the magazine now, browsing through it so slow it almost drives Sam mad, and Sam? Well, he’s left with his own thoughts, making sure the fire won’t go out and listening to the heavy raindrops on the roof above them. He knows soon they have to get more firewood, the little bit they have left won’t take them through the night, but he doesn’t want to say anything. The silence is uncomfortable, yes, but he needs it right now. Maybe Lucifer does too, he can’t say, but he sure does.

There’s still this strange feeling of sympathy in Sam that had built up through the last hours - a sympathy he can’t really understand, but that doesn’t feel alien either. It’s not exactly the same he felt during the apocalypse, but it comes closer to it than anything else during the last years and somehow, that’s a bit relieving. This feeling is almost familiar and in a way, that’s very comforting.

And, if he is honest, isn’t there a good reason for him to feel this way? He had known it before already, but hearing it from Lucifer himself is different. The angel had been wronged so often in the past, just like Sam, not having a certain feeling of understanding would be insane. Whether it’s their invisible bond that was once there or what they have been through, Sam knows he and Lucifer are not that different after all. Which is exactly his biggest concern, because it’s a scary thought in itself.

“Sam?” Lucifer suddenly says quietly, ripping Sam out of his thoughts. He looks up, a bit confused.

“Yeah?”

“I hope you don’t think I tried to hurt you with what I said earlier,” Lucifer continues and it’s obvious that he’s fighting with himself to get the words out. “That you are trapped, I mean. I know you want to do the right thing, but sometimes you just go too far and you don’t seem to realize it yourself.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Sam sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I feel the need to save everyone, but I do.”

“It’s very honorable to feel this way, but destroying yourself while doing it? Is it really worth it?”

“You ask me that, after I literally jumped into hell with you just to stop the apocalypse?” Sam asks with a sad smile. “Shouldn’t you know the answer?”

“I had the hope you changed your mind on that by now,” Lucifer smiles just the same.

“I don’t think I did,” Sam admits. “I mean, someone has to make sacrifices, right? If you want to do something good, you always sacrifice a part of yourself. It’s just what happens.”

“Then why don’t you stop for once and put yourself before the world?” Lucifer asks serious. “It might be an important part of who you are, wanting to save everyone, but if you keep being so selfless you will not be able to save anyone, especially not yourself.”

Sam gives Lucifer an empty look. He can’t answer, because what the other said is exactly what has been going through his mind for many years now. He knows he’s destroying himself, but he can’t seem to stop.

“Look at our situation, as an example. You wanted to save your mother, which is very noble and heroic, but now you are stuck here and don’t know how to leave again.”

“Much worse, I’m stuck with you,” Sam huffs, earning an amused chuckle from Lucifer.

“You are, right. You got stuck with the Devil because you wanted to save someone. Again. You got stuck in the cage to save the world. You tried to close the gates of Hell and in the process nearly lost your own life, to the point where only a forceful possession of an angel was able to save you.”

“Please, don’t remind me of that!” Sam shudders. He despises the memory of this time more than anything else. “It was horrible.”

“The possession?” Lucifer wonders and gives him a confused look.

“Of course, what else?” Sam huffs. “I mean, it was different with you. I said yes after all. But with him… ugh, I don’t even want to think about it. It’s disgusting.”

There’s a quiet ‘Hmm’ coming from Lucifer, but he doesn’t say anything else, he merely nods.

“I understand. Maybe it’s better if you go to bed now,” Lucifer suddenly suggests, much to Sam’s surprise as it can’t be that late yet. “I will stay awake to look after the fire for a while.”

“You can wake me up in a few hours,” Sam mumbles, more to himself than to Lucifer. “We could sleep in shifts so it won’t go out.”

“As always, you are full of surprising ideas. We can do that, you take the first sleeping shift.”

“Can I trust you not to run away and let me freeze to death?” Sam asks curious and raises a brow. It’s not really what he thinks Lucifer would do at this point, but he can’t be sure.

“We are still not done with the questions,” Lucifer smirks and sits back down near the fire. “It would be a shame to take away your chance to fall in love with me, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, as if,” Sam huffs, suppressing a laugh. Funny enough, Lucifer found a reason to be bearable company. Sam isn’t going to let that go to waste, even if it means answering some questions. After all, he can prove the Devil wrong in the end, that’s kind of worth it.


	9. Mistakes And Discoveries

Sam doesn’t know how Lucifer managed to do it, but he slept for quite a long time before he was woken up by the angel shaking his shoulder. For a moment, Sam doesn’t know where he is and blinks confused. When he sees Lucifer’s face though, his confusion melts away and he’s wide awake.

“What’s wrong? Getting tired?” he asks and yawns behind his hand.

“I rarely get tired,” Lucifer smiles, “but there is no firewood left anymore, I wanted to wake you up before I go outside and gather more of it.”

“Alright, yeah,” Sam mutters, not quite sure why he needs to be awake for that, but whatever. He had had some sleep, that’s the important thing. “I’ll be right there.”

Lucifer nods and leaves Sam alone to properly wake up. Sam can hear him shuffle in the main room, which makes him hurry a bit more. When he enters the living room, Lucifer is almost ready to go. He had put his leather jacket back on and one of the iron bars is in his left hand. Sam frowns at this.

“Just in case,” Lucifer explains with a shrug. Sam nods. He’s right, it’s better to be prepared.

“Can you stand the rain?” he asks instead of questioning the weapon.

“It stopped an hour ago, but there is still a storm, I checked. The wind is worse now, I don’t want to know what’s next.”

“This world is a mess, isn’t it?” Sam sighs and shakes his head.

“It is, in a lot of ways. Make sure the fire doesn’t go out, I will be back soon.”

They nod at each other, before Lucifer opens the door and steps outside. Even in this short moment, Sam can hear the howling wind outside. It sends a shiver through his whole body and he suddenly feels very uneasy. Something about this doesn’t feel right, but he can’t say what it is.

Sam doesn’t think Lucifer will take long to gather the wood, so he allows himself to sit down and take care of the fire. He’s silent while doing this, trying to listen to any noise that may come from the outside. For five very long minutes it’s dead silent, which almost makes Sam lose a bit of his tension - until he suddenly hears a shriek so bone-chilling that he jumps up immediately.

There’s no doubt where this sound came from. It was too different from the ones Sam has heard before, so he instantly knows it came from Lucifer and that something went horribly wrong. Sam screws all safety concerns and rushes to the door, ripping it open with so much force it smashes against the cabin, but he doesn’t care. He storms out and runs around the cabin as fast as he can, finding a frightening scene that causes his body to freeze for a moment.

Lucifer is on the ground, wrestling with one of the disgusting beasts he had killed before and covered in blood. The creature has it’s claws deep in Lucifer’s shoulders and the blond fights hard to stop it from ripping his face off with its giant sharp teeth. Sam watches in horror how Lucifer tries to push it away with his arm, only to have the beast sink its teeth right into it, causing him to scream out in pain. More blood runs down Lucifer’s arm and covers his chest and Sam can see the pain on his face. He won’t win this fight, no way.

This is the moment when Sam is finally able to move again, even if he doesn’t know how he does it. He jerks over to the pile of wood and grabs one of the chunks with both hands before turning around to the fighting two. There is no plan or anything, all he can think of is to get this thing off Lucifer and the angel inside the cabin again.

“Lucifer, head down!” Sam yells as loud and confident as he can and without questioning, Lucifer obeys and presses his head down onto the ground and holding the creature up with his arms the best he can.

Sam has no time to aim, he simply swings the chunk as hard as he can into the direction of the beast’s head, hoping for the best. When the chunk hits the aggressive thing Sam doesn’t hear anything at first, as if the world had slowed down, but not even a second later the satisfying and relieving sound of something breaking reaches his ears and the creature falls backwards. Still fueled by adrenaline, Sam steps forward and kicks it off Lucifer’s body. The angel, by now, is holding his arm and tries to apply pressure to the wound so it will stop bleeding, which Sam slowly realizes is a good sign. He’s conscious, he can get him inside.

“Come, get up!” Sam says harsher than he wants to and shoves his arms under Lucifer’s to pull him onto his feet. “We need to get you inside and clean these.”

“Sam, I -”

“No, not now,” Sam says strict and shakes his head. They can’t waste time, not with all the blood Lucifer has lost already. “We’ll patch you up, then you can talk. Now shut up, we have to hurry.”

Luckily, Lucifer listens and Sam manages to maneuver him inside. He doesn’t want to imagine how difficult it would have been if the blond was unconscious, so Sam takes this little good thing and tries to think positive. Once inside, Sam helps Lucifer sit down next to the fire and looks around. Much to his disapproval, the cloths he had used before to clean Lucifer’s wounds are too dirty to reuse, so he has to improvise. With a groan, he grabs his shirt and pulls it over his head, earning a shocked glare from Lucifer.

“I don’t think now is the time for this, Sam. I’m flattered, but-” Lucifer cocks, but Sam gives him a stern glare that silences him immediately.

“Save your jokes for later, will you?” He orders and gets on his knees, grabbing for a bucket of water that’s half-filled. “For now, let me do what I can and stop with your terrible humor.”

“Alright, alright,” Lucifer sighs and leans his head back against the wall. He looks pale.

Sam frowns and dunks his shirt into the cold water, hoping that he will be fast enough to prevent permanent damage. He knows Lucifer only has to make it until his power or mojo or whatever comes back, but he’s pretty sure that it’s possible for him to actually die during this time and he doesn’t want that. As crazy as it sounds, Sam wants Lucifer to live. Dean would be so damn proud of him…

“This son of a bitch got you pretty good,” Sam hisses through gritted teeth as he cleans the wound on Lucifer’s arm. The bite marks are so deep, they make Sam’s hands shake as he cleans the arm. “I wish I had my first aid kit here, dammit.”

“Trust me, me too,” Lucifer huffs and rolls his head to the side to look at Sam. His eyes are dull and Sam doesn’t like it. He doesn’t know him like that.

“I’ll have to clean them from the inside,” Sam says and bites his lip. He gives Lucifer an apologetic look, who only nods in return. “I promise I’ll be careful, but if I don’t do it, the wounds might get infected and I have no idea what would happen then.”

“Just do it,” Lucifer groans and forces a smile. “I’m an archangel, not a sissy.”

Sam huffs, but doesn’t bother to add a comment. His eyes are focused on something more important, something that might help him right now. On Lucifer’s torn shirt, right under his armpit, is something shiny and black. Carefully, Sam grabs it and pulls. Lucifer hisses through his teeth, because the thing is still in his skin, but it’s only for a second before Sam holds it between his fingers. One of the beast’s claws. It’s sharp and thin and long enough to be useful.

“You know, this is not what I expected to happen when we are alone in a cabin and far away from everyone else,” Lucifer groans and Sam gives him a slightly amused smirk.

“I told you, drop the dumb jokes,” he says, while wrapping a bit of his shirt around the claw to make it less pointy. “And besides, I’m not that cheap.”

Sam tries joking, if only to not upset Lucifer too much, because what he’s about to do next isn’t going to be pleasant. Lucifer smiles when Sam sinks the claw into one of the holes in his arms, but the smile fades as quick as it appeared and is replaced with a grimace of pain and gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry,” Sam apologizes and carefully dabs into the wound. “If it makes you feel better, just imagine I’m jumping your bones or whatever. But if I don’t clean those, you’ll definitely get an infection and I have no idea what will happen then.”

“I prefer the real deal, but thanks for the offer,” Lucifer scoffs, immediately biting his tongue again because of the pain.

“I’ll be fast, but hold still, okay?”

Lucifer nods and lets Sam work. The brunet does so careful and as fast as he can, even though Lucifer still flinches from time to time. This bite is different than any other Sam has dealt with before and he’s merely poking in the dark with treating it, but he knows if he just leaves it as is, Lucifer might actually die. This world isn’t theirs, it’s not a world Lucifer is used to. He might be an archangel, but even he is not immune to a whole unknown world.

“Almost done,” Sam assures him when he pushes the claw into the last hole he has to clean. “How are you doing?”

“I had better days,” Lucifer chuckles, but it’s obvious that it takes him a lot of strength.

“You’re doing good,” Sam says with a smile, finishing his cleaning. He takes the tattered shirt, grabs it with both hands and pulls. After two more times, Sam manages to get a scrap of his shirt that’s long enough to use as a bandage. “Can you bite your teeth one more time like a good angel?”

“Don’t mock me, or I’ll smite you.”

Sam smiles patiently, but doesn’t reply. Instead, he takes the scrap of his shirt and covers Lucifer’s wound with it tight. He’s careful not to cut off the blood supply, but to offer enough pressure so the bleeding won’t start again. After wrapping the cloth around his arm two times, he manages to tie it together with a bit of effort and sinks back for a moment, trying to regain his breath and sigh in relief.

“You are good at this, Sam,” Lucifer acknowledges and smiles at him.

“Just the bare minimum,” Sam shrugs. “I would do more, but I can’t. Let me see your shoulders, alright?”

They turn out to be much better than Lucifer’s arm, but the claws still left deep marks on Lucifer’s skin that make Sam frown. They have luckily stopped bleeding by now, so it’s much easier for him to clean the wounds. Once he’s done, he rips the remains of his shirt apart and covers both shoulders under them.

“Almost as good as new,” Sam says with a weak smile. “You won’t win the Miss Teen America Contest, but it should do for now.”

“Damn, my dreams are ruined.” Lucifer pushes himself up, faking a disappointed look on his face that shows Sam he will manage somehow. He’s kind of used to the other masking his true feelings with sarcasm by now.

“I will get some wood, you wait here, deal?” Sam asks and gets up. “The dead creature should be warning enough, I hope.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Lucifer asks, in all honesty, and it kind of makes Sam’s stomach feel a bit warm.

“You stay here, get some rest. I can manage to pick up some wood and get it here.”

Sam would prefer not to go outside of course, but he’s aware of the fact that Lucifer can’t go and that they need warmth to survive. He walks over to the corner, picking up his jacket to protect himself as best as he can, and puts it on. After making sure he’s halfway covered, he nods at Lucifer and follows his example by stepping outside.

The wind is cutting, there’s no other word for it. Where it hits his skin, it’s painful like a blade and it’s pulling and pushing on him at the same time. Sam quickly wraps his jacket closer around himself and steps behind the cabin. It’s a horrible weather to be in and he never wished more to just be back home than right now. The pile of firewood is still big enough to last them for a week or so, the only really disturbing thing, apart from this storm, is the huge puddle of blood on the ground next to it. Sam shakes himself in an effort to ignore it, and walks towards the wood. 

It looks like there have been two piles once, but Lucifer has already taken one of them. There are only two rows of wood left, which Sam carefully takes away and places next to him. When he’s done and turns back to the second pile of wood, however, he notices something strange on the ground.

There’s a handle, just where he just took away the firewood. Sam stares at it for almost a minute, not really knowing how to make sense of it. Then, it suddenly clicks.

“No way…” Sam whispers and gets on his knees, ignoring the wind trying to slice him into pieces. He grabs the handle and pulls it up.

Sam really didn’t think something would happen, so when the handle actually moves, along with the floor beneath himself, he's very surprised. It doesn’t move past a few inches, however, and Sam quickly stands back up to try again. This time, the trap door he’s pulling at opens completely, because he doesn't block it anymore. Thank God it wasn’t located under the other pile of wood, or else he would have never seen it.

Despite knowing he should hurry, Sam’s curiosity is sparked. He inspects the hole, finding a withered ladder leading down into the dark. For a moment he hesitates, asking himself if something worse than those creatures waits down there. Then, he shrugs and just slides into the hole.

Sam climbs down for what feels like eternity, but he’s also very careful because he has no idea how intact the ladder is at this point. When his foot hits the ground again he’s actually startled for a moment, before laughing up nervously. It’s almost pitch black and he has to rely on his hands to navigate. After a minute of searching, Sam finds something unusual. He lets his hands run along the strangely shaped object and soon realizes what it actually is: a torch.

Remembering that he has a lighter in his pocket, Sam reaches down and fetches it out of his pants. It takes him a few tries before there is a flame, but it’s enough to show him that he actually found a torch and that it’s one he can light too. He holds the lighter against the tip of the torch for a moment, waiting for it to catch fire, before turning it off again. He takes the torch off the wall and looks around the small shaft he’s standing in.

It looks like this entrance has been a well once, because most of the walls are covered with stones and on the side that leads to the cabin, Sam spots a half-round door that almost looks like it’s made for a dwarf.

“This will be fun,” Sam huffs, gets on his knees and grabs the metal handle of the small door. It takes him a lot of effort, but eventually he manages to pull the door open with a loud screech that makes him flinch for a moment. Damn, that was loud.

Sam can’t hold back a bit of excitement when he crawls through the narrow space, careful to keep the torch in front of him for some light. It takes him about a minute of crawling through the dirt before the space suddenly opens and Sam can slowly get back on his feet. 

“Damn, that’s what I call a pleasant surprise.” Sam is impressed when he checks the hidden room out with the torch. He can’t see much, but it’s obvious that this room is packed full. Luckily, Sam spots more torches on the walls around him and one by one lights them with his own, before finally putting the fire in his hands out.

Now that he can actually see, Sam whistles through his teeth. Two walls of the basement - in lack of a better name - are covered with military lockers, another with ceiling-high shelves filled with countless of cans. In the middle of the room are several huge boxes, all definitely from the military too. And, last but not least, the wall where the door is, is covered with weapons of all kinds - from axes to rifles. There’s barely enough space to walk around, but Sam quickly notices that this is on purpose. It looks like he actually stumbled over a prepper’s stack here.

“Lucifer?” Sam yells, curious if he’s actually under the cabin or not. For a moment it’s silent, but then he hears a very confused voice answering.

“Sam? Where are you?”

“Ten feet beneath you!” Sam laughs out and uses the handle of his torch to knock on the wooden ceiling. “I think we don’t have to go hunting for a while.”

Sam hears Lucifer move above him, but his attention is sparked by something else. In one corner of the room, the ceiling looks different.

“Lucifer? Do me a favor. Go into the bedroom if you can and knock on the floor where the bed stands, will you?”

If his assumption is right, there’s a second entrance to this basement, which would make things much easier. He walks over to the corner and not even a few seconds later it knocks right above him.

“Sam? There is something under the bed,” Lucifer says loud enough for him to hear and Sam nods.

“I figured. It must be a trap door. Can you move the bed somehow?”

“I can try.”

“It’s not very heavy,” Sam says and looks around to find something to climb on. Not far away, he spots a step ladder. “If this thing opens we just doubled our living space.”

It takes Lucifer a few minutes and heavy panting, but the sounds of him shoving the bed away are obvious. It’s horribly loud down here, but Sam tries to focus on the trap door instead of listening. Finally, Sam hears a loud thump, followed by Lucifer’s voice.

“It’s gone, I can see the door!”

“Can you open it? It must be locked from your side, no matter how hard I push, it won’t open.”

There’s the scratching of metal following Sam’s words, then another knock. Sam summons all his strength and presses himself against the trap door. At first, nothing happens and he already fears the damn thing is broken - then the trapdoor suddenly flies open and Sam loses his balance. He tries holding himself up somehow, but there’s nothing he can do to prevent falling and with a surprised gasp, he lands on his ass, next to the stepladder.

“Sam?” Lucifer’s voice comes from above, breaking through Sam’s groaning as he pushes himself back up and rubs his rear. He forces himself to look up. Lucifer is leaning over the space in the floor, eyebrows furrowed and visibly exhausted.

“I’m fine,” Sam presses out and smiles with too much teeth. “I’ll see if I can find a ladder down here, then I’ll get the firewood.”

“How did you find this?” Lucifer wants to know, to which Sam chuckles.

“Got curious and decided to go on an adventure,” he jokes. “I guess we found a prepper’s house here. There’s everything: food, water, blankets, weapons. Pretty sure there’s a first aid kit here too somewhere, probably in the lockers.”

“You sound excited.”

“Hell yes, I am!” Sam laughs. “Do you realize what this means? All we need from outside now is wood, everything else is here. And I can treat your wounds properly now.”

“Perfect,” Lucifer sighs and vanishes from the hole above Sam. “I just wish you would have found this sooner.”

Sam smirks and looks down. He wishes so too. Not only because it would have spared them the painful patching up from before, but also because he’s sure the food down here will be better than eating those creatures. He takes a deep breath and turns back to the room. For some reason he feels more energetic now, maybe because he finally has something to do. It will take a while to go through everything here and get what they need into the cabin, but he’s determined to do it. Their lockdown situation just improved drastically.


	10. Painful Aftermath

It’s not a fast job, nor is it an easy one, but Sam does it anyways. After a few minutes of searching he actually finds a rather sturdy ladder beneath some boxes that had fallen over and manages to fixate it properly. He still has to be careful, but now he can go up and down without having to leave the cabin, that’s a huge improvement.

After the ladder is secured, Sam returns to the second entrance of the basement to climb back up, not without making sure the small door is shut tight behind him. The wood they need is quickly collected and carried inside, just in time before the flames become too small. Sam leaves Lucifer in charge of the fire and promises to hurry, then walks into the bedroom to make a bit more space. The old bed is already completely broken anyways, so shoving it aside a bit more is easy. Once there is room, Sam climbs back down and starts searching the place.

He is more than surprised at the things he finds. One of the lockers is packed full with clothes - everything from underwear to pants and jackets. He’s very glad finding those and even if the shirts are slightly too small, putting on some rather clean clothes feels heavenly. They might be dusty and smell of earth, but they are not covered in blood, so that’s something. He takes an arm full of shirts and pants for Lucifer upstairs, then searches through the other lockers. One holds a few pair of boots, maybe they will fit Lucifer, he has to find that out later, but what he’s really looking for is in the third one. Three first aid kits and an impressive collection of medical equipment, including something that definitely looks like a bone saw. Not what he needs, but it’s good to know it’s there, he guesses.

Before going through the rest of the basement, Sam goes back up the ladder and takes another look at Lucifer’s wounds. When he walks into the room, the blond’s head rests against the wall and his breath is shallow, but he immediately reacts when Sam says his name. He slowly opens his eyes and looks up.

“Found something good?” Lucifer asks with a slight smile and Sam nods.

“Something for your wounds, I have to take a look at them again.”

“You just can’t get enough, can you?” Lucifer laughs quietly and pushes himself up a bit more. “Take your time, I’m all yours.”

This time Sam is much faster. He unwraps the scraps of his shirt from Lucifer’s shoulders and arms, then disinfects the wounds carefully. When he attends the bitemarks, Lucifer hisses for the first time and Sam gives him a worried look.

“How bad is it?” he asks and continues more careful than before. “Does it burn? Itch? Anything?”

“It’s hot,” Lucifer groans and leans his head back, closing his eyes. “It feels like someone lit a fire in my arm.”

“Hopefully the disinfection will help,” Sam frowns and finishes his task. “I found some painkillers too, and a bone saw. But, I would prefer not to use that one.”

At this, Lucifer actually smiles and his eyes flutter open again when Sam pulls out a small bottle from his pocket. He puts it down next to Lucifer and gets the mug from the fireplace to fill it with water. Lucifer eyes him suspiciously when he opens the bottle and drops two white pills into his hand, but he takes them into his own without hesitation.

“I don’t know if they work or not, but it won’t get any worse if you take them,” Sam says and hands Lucifer the mug. The blond nods, takes the pills into his mouth and drinks two big gulps of water, before handing Sam the mug back.

“I appreciate your concern, Sam,” Lucifer says quietly and sighs. “And your help. I didn’t pay attention and this abomination took its chance.”

“Forget it,” Sam says, shaking his head. “You would have done the same for me, or I hope so at least. Try to get some rest, while I roam the basement and see what else we can use. I found some clothes too, they smell a bit funky, but they are clean at least.”

“Thank you.”

“I will help you change later,” Sam nods and bites his cheeks to stop talking and get back to work. He’s worried about Lucifer, which is new, but even newer is that the other seems to be actually grateful and that’s making Sam feel weird. Better distract himself than think too much. He will have enough time to think soon anyways.

In the basement, Sam soon frees the stack of blankets he had spotted before and gets them upstairs. They are thick ones, a few lighter ones he stumbles over later and throws them onto the same pile the others wait at. He also finds three big and fluffy pillows, as well as something even more practical right beneath them: rolled up straw mattresses. This sparks an idea and Sam makes sure to get all four of them upstairs without accidentally destroying them, as they are already a little worn. They might not have a bed, but he’s sure he can make something almost as good as one with this.

After going through the cans on the food shelf, Sam decides on a few of them to see if they are still edible and also gets a big canister of water. There are some pots too, two of which Sam takes with him just in case. This one proves a little difficult to carry up the small ladder, but with some effort, Sam manages. Just when he wants to call it over, he notices something else in a corner. A huge trunk, almost as big as a coffin. Ignoring the cold shiver running down his spine, Sam walks over to the trunk and opens it. His eyes widen when he sees what’s inside. Every inch of the huge wooden box is filled with pointy, silver blades that look hauntingly familiar.

“Angel blades…” Sam whispers as he takes one of them out and turns it in his hand. 

It’s strange holding one of those again and it bring back a lot of memories, as well as questions. Are all of those from angels that were killed by whomever lived here before? And are they only angel blades or something even more powerful? Sam can’t tell, but he is sure Lucifer can. He decides to take one of them with him, even if it’s only an angel blade it will be helpful as protection, and then, finally, climbs back into the actual cabin. They will need the ladder again later, so Sam pulls it up and stores it in a corner, before closing the trap door.

Now that the worst part is over, Sam focuses on using what he found to make some sort of bed, two, if he can. Lucifer will need sleep and the floor won’t be very comfortable for him. He takes the mattresses into the living room, since it’s much warmer there than in the bedroom, and drapes one of them on an empty spot on the ground. It’s definitely big enough for one person, so he adds a second one on top of it and then takes one of the thinner blankets to cover them both. He didn’t find any bedsheets, but the blanket works as one just fine after he tucked it under the straw and with another one over it, it’s actually rather soft. At least the cold from the floor is gone. Sam adds two big pillows and one of the thick blankets on the new bed, then repeats everything for himself. When he’s done, he is actually surprised how good this worked.

“Lucifer?” Sam asks carefully, but this time he gets no response. He looks over at the angel, who is obviously asleep, and smirks to himself. “Alright, time to tuck you in, then.”

Careful to not wake Lucifer up, Sam wraps his arms around his upper body and slowly drags him towards the nearest bed. He takes his time, because he doesn’t want to wake the other up, and after a few minutes Lucifer is lying on his new spot, still asleep and looking almost peaceful. Sam doesn’t hide his smile this time and drapes the blanket over Lucifer. When he’s finally done, he sinks down on his own bed and takes a few deep breaths. It was a hard bit of work, but it would be worth it, Sam is sure of that. They have everything they need for now and when Sam lays down on his pillow he swears to himself that he will just relax for a few minutes.

In the end, Sam slept for over an hour before he wakes up again at the sound of rain hitting the cabin. He sighs and opens his eyes, but keeps lying there and looking at the ceiling. Lucifer is still asleep, Sam can hear his rhythmic breathing. He doesn’t know if it’s the rain or just lying here, listening to Lucifer, that makes him feel calm, but Sam can’t deny that this is exactly what happens. He feels calm and he likes it.

When Sam’s stomach starts to grumble, he finally decides to get back up. He stretches himself a bit and then goes to get the food and pots he brought up with him. After fueling the fire a bit more, Sam sits down in front of it and inspects the cans again. Most of the labels are torn already, so it’s hard to figure out what is inside without opening them.

Sam shrugs and decides to challenge his luck by opening the biggest one. It’s filled with what could be cooked meat and sniffing on it tells him that his first impression was right. He opens another can and finds a red liquid that could be tomato soup and another with what looks like cooked rice with peas.

“Now all I need is a beer and my day is saved,” Sam laughs and pours the tomato soup into one of the pots, followed by the rice. He manages to place the pot next to the fire so it can heat up, then repeats the same with the meat. It’s not going to be fancy, but they will get full at least.

“Sam?” A very sleepy voice suddenly sounds from behind, causing Sam to turn around. “What did you do? What is this?”

“I found things to make beds for us,” Sam smiles. “This way it’s more comfortable. I hope you don’t mind that I brought you over.”

“No, no of course not,” Lucifer mumbles and brushes a hand through his hair. Sam eyes him closely, noticing that he is still rather pale and his movements are slightly cut off, but the dull look in his eyes is gone. “What are you doing?”

“Making food. How are you feeling? Did the pills help?”

“I think so,” Lucifer says and sits up. “It still hurts, but the pain is not as intense anymore.”

“That’s good,” Sam nods and takes a look into the pots, stirring the food inside carefully. “You can come over, take a pillow if you want to sit comfy. I will help you put on some new clothes after we ate.”

“You behave like I am a child, Sam,” Lucifer huffs as he walks over and sits down next to the other. “I am able to dress myself.”

“Not with your wounds, unless you want them to bleed through your new clothes again right away,” Sam sighs. “Look, I don’t want to belittle you here. You are weakened and can barely lift your arms. It’s not to offend you. So, for once, swallow your pride down and let me help you, alright?”

“Alright,” Lucifer says with a confused expression on his face. Luckily he doesn’t want to argue, Sam really has no nerve for arguments right now.

The food doesn’t taste that bad actually. Lucifer only eats a bit, however, and Sam has to encourage him to do even that. He claims he’s not hungry, but Sam insists that he has to eat in order to recover and surprisingly, Lucifer listens. They don’t talk much apart from that, but it’s understandable, given the circumstances. After Sam finished his portion and made sure Lucifer ate at least enough to not remain hungry, he puts the cans and pots away and carries in the clothes.

It’s not that Lucifer fights when he helps him out of his jacket and the torn shirt, but he is very stiff and doesn’t help at all. Eventually, after spending minutes trying to get the shirt off, Sam sighs and sits down on his feed.

“Is something wrong? Do you want to try it yourself?”

“No, I appreciate your help, Sam,” Lucifer says and shakes his head. “I just feel very strange, that’s all.”

“Awkward is the word you are looking for, I think,” Sam smiles. “Okay, how about that. I will leave the clothes here and you try changing yourself. If you need help, just call me, okay?”

“I would appreciate that, thank you, Sam.”

Sam nods and stands up to give Lucifer his privacy. He had expected something like this to be honest, so he isn’t surprised. Lucifer has the habit of going his own way, he just hopes he won’t have to renew the bandages right away. He definitely makes a mental note to throw away Lucifer’s old pants and shirt later, though he’s not sure about the jacket. Yes, it’s full of holes and bloody too, but Lucifer seems to like the thing. Maybe he can clean it at least, that would be helpful already.

While Sam waits in the bedroom, Lucifer manages to get out of his shirt and pants, even if it’s accompanied with lots of swearing and grunting. Sam chuckles when he finally hears his name, coming from the other room, and goes to check. Surprisingly, Lucifer is actually dressed again.

“You managed, I’m impressed,” Sam says admiring and picks up the old clothes from the floor.

“These clothes are large, it helped a lot,” Lucifer admits, earning a smile from Sam.

“Still, I expected more problems,” he says. “Would you like to sleep again?”

“I thought we could continue the questions,” Lucifer shrugs innocently. “I can do it on the bed too, if you think that’s better.”

Sam didn’t expect this, but he nods anyways. He thought after this day, Lucifer would rather sleep than talk, but it seems like he was wrong with that. Then again, the angel usually didn’t sleep at all, so Sam could imagine it being weird now. While Lucifer trots back to the bed, Sam makes sure that the fire won’t go out for a bit and then fetches the magazine again. Night is still a few hours away, so they can kill some time by continuing their exercise, he won’t complain. It would be boring to stay awake alone anyways.


	11. Sad Memories

Sam thought it would be awkward starting the second set of questions, but he is once more pleasantly surprised. They both sit on their improvised beds, Sam half-covered with a blanket while Lucifer kicked his off quite quickly, claiming he felt too hot under it. Sam suspects he might develop a fever, but so far Lucifer acts rather normal, so he still hopes his assumption will turn out false.

Some of the questions that they talk through are quickly answered, like the one about their greatest accomplishments in life, others are more difficult, especially those regarding memories. When the question about their most terrible memory comes up, they reach a weird situation. Lucifer’s expression darkens immediately and his lips turn into a thin line.

“Maybe you want me to start?” Sam suggests to ease the tension and Lucifer just nods sharply. “Okay, well… my worst memory… I mean, there are some horrible ones, but one that stands out is the time when Dean and Bobby locked me up in Bobby’s panic room, to detox me from the demon blood.”

“I expected your time in hell, to be honest.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Sam gives Lucifer an amused grin. “Being my worst memory and all. I’m sorry, but you’re not.”

“What is so terrible about it? What happened?” Lucifer doesn’t sound honestly interested, but Sam takes on the chance to distract him from his own memories.

“What do you think happened? I was going through the worst pain I knew until then and no matter what I did, it kept getting worse. And then… they came.” Sam swallows as his voice dies in his throat and he gets a sip of water to soothe it somehow.

“They?”

“My family, my friends and enemies,  _ me…  _ I can’t say how much it hurt to hear them all say those things about me, how they hated me, how much of a disappointment I was, how I deserved being there. I don’t ever want to go back there, ever. I never felt so damaged and broken and… impure… It was horrible.”

“So, your worst memory is not being locked in the cage with me?” Lucifer asks again, now a little more curious.

“No,” Sam shakes his head. “Don’t get me wrong, it was hell,  _ literally _ , but my memories of this time are… blurred. I know there was pain and torture and that gruesome things happened, but it’s all not vivid. This other memory is different. It’s as if something is blocking the memory from the cage. It was intense when I got it back, but now it’s almost dull. And after all, I wasn’t alone down there, right?” There’s an apologetic smile on Sam’s face when he looks up at Lucifer, who can’t hold back a jerk of his own lips.

“No, you were not. It would have been worse if you would have been alone. When I was, it was not a lovely walk in the park.”

“How bad was it?” Sam asks before he can stop himself, instantly regretting the question. But Lucifer doesn’t get angry, he just stays silent for a long time.

“I suppose it was similar to your experience, just worse,” Lucifer eventually says with a shake of his head. “You have been there and even if your torture was different than mine, you can grasp the concept of it. The cage, my prison, is using a torture that targets more than the body to cause pain, its goal is to break every last part of one’s existence, until there is nothing left but an empty shell.”

“Is that what happened to Michael?” Sam wants to know and Lucifer nods.

“He had no idea what to do in there, he was an easy target. I really wish he would have listened to me, but it’s too late now.”

“But, why did I not break? Or you? Why only Michael?”

“Sam, do you really want to know?” Lucifer asks in all seriousness and glances up. “We agreed to do these questions, but this is not part of them. And there are things you might not want to hear or that you would not understand.”

Sam purses his lips and gives Lucifer a glare that needs no words to go with it.

“Listen, all I’m saying is, that this might make things unnecessarily complicated. Neither your nor my worst memory is the cage, so why don’t we forget this subject for now?”

“I guess you’re right,” Sam mumbles, not really happy, but not angry either. He does want to know, yes, but is it worth arguing? Lucifer didn’t say never, he just said not now. So, maybe he will find out another time. “What’s your worst memory then?”

“I assume you remember most of what happened when I possessed you, this is part of it.”

“When you possessed me?” Sam thinks he misheard that, but he wants to know what Lucifer meant. “What?”

“You remember the things my brother said to me?” Lucifer asks and raises a brow, to which Sam nods slowly. “It’s where it all begins. When Dean interrupted us and Castiel temporarily killed Michael, I was furious. I let my anger out on your brother, forced you to witness every second of it - for which I am very sorry, even if you cannot believe it - and then… Dean did not give up. He kept talking to you as if I were you. There was so much belief, so much I could not take and when your memories flooded over both of us, I could not bear it.”

Sam wants to say something, but his voice has died. All he can do is watch Lucifer and feel this ache in his chest that is more painful than any beating he has ever received. He remembers what happened, yes. Everything of it. How he suddenly had control over his body again, how Lucifer had almost shrunken, to the point where he could not have overpowered Sam again, even if he had tried. Sam never knew why or how this happened and hearing it now was overwhelming.

“I beat the life out of your brother, Sam, and he still refused to give up on you. After Michael’s words and everything that had happened, I could not take it. I know things have changed since then and Dean and you have too, but in this moment all I wanted was for this to be over, for Michael to understand and see that I did not want any of this. We both know what happened.”

“He turned on you again,” Sam whispers, his voice cracking because it’s so quiet. But Lucifer hears him.

“Precisely. This is my worst memory. The moment I realized that my own brother, whom I adored and idolized and loved unconditionally, could not love me back half as much as your brother loved you. We were supposed to be equals, you were our true vessels, and still… Dean and Michael were so different.” Lucifer is silent for a long time, just looking at his hands, and Sam couldn’t even speak if he forced him. Then, when he continues, Lucifer’s voice is thick with emotions. “I have done bad things, yes. You know it, I know it, everyone does. But being shown how things could and should have been, it was too much. I knew I had lost and there was nothing to fight for anymore, so I simply gave up.”

“Lucifer…” Sam tries to find a way to express himself without being offensive, even though it’s hard even getting a word out right now. “I’m so sorry, I mean it.”

Lucifer looks up at Sam, his pale skin an intense contrast to his dark blue eyes.

“I wish he would have understood, really. No matter how much someone strays from their path, everyone deserves to be loved. I know Dean and I,” he swallows and searches for the right words. “We’re not perfect. We don’t tell each other how we feel, we never did. That’s just not us. But I know, no matter how bad things go, he will be there. And I wish Michael would have done the same for you.”

Sam knows his urge to pull Lucifer into his arms right now to comfort him is simply his personality and is not influenced by who he is talking to, but it’s very strong and he feels horribly sad after Lucifer’s words. Yes, he knows that the things he has done are terrible and cannot be excused in any way, but he also knows the feeling of not being good enough for the ones he loves. He would never want anyone to go through this, not even his worst enemy, which is what Lucifer is, in a way.

“I told you once that I wish there was another way and I still wish there would have been,” Lucifer sighs, without looking up. “But I know better. Michael was never like me, he never understood me, even if I tried to convince myself that he did. I should have never expected that we could somehow work things out without fighting, but I still did. Because I loved him, despite his betrayal. If Dean stabbed you in the back, would you stop loving him?”

Sam shakes his head slowly, while trying to ignore the icy cold hand clawing around his heart. They both know that this has happened multiple times, even though not literally, and it feels very uncomfortable.

“I don’t think Dean could ever do anything that would make me stop loving him,” Sam finally says a bit shy.

“I felt the same with Michael,” Lucifer nods slowly. “I trusted him with my life and he cast me out of heaven. I would have died for him, without hesitating for even a second, and he still did it. I should have known better than to trust him again to stand with me after what he did before. It was a naive way of thinking, but I did not want to fight him, no matter our father’s plans…”

“It wasn’t naive, it was just… trusting,” Sam sighs. “Look, I don’t know what past you two have and what happened between you, but I know I would have done the same. I mean, I was ready for Dean to kill me, just so he could stop the end of the world… I can’t blame you.”

“I want to say your faith in him is unrequited-”

“But you know you basically did the same?” Sam asks, smiling. “I know. Trust me, I know.”

“Mister Know-it-all, I forgot,” Lucifer scoffs, which makes Sam chuckle. 

“Maybe, but I won’t apologize, sorry,” Sam says. “I love Dean and I’m sure, in a way, you still love Michael too.”

“I wish I would not, just so you know,” Lucifer huffs annoyed. 

“Don’t say that.” Sam gives the other an understanding glance. “Are there no good memories you have of him? There must be a reason you feel like this.”

“I have, but they are nothing I like to remember,” Lucifer sighs and suddenly lays down on his back, closing his eyes. Sam eyes him closely as he listens. “We were close once, when it was only us, but that all changed when Raphael came.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if it makes you feel bad, it’s okay,” Sam says calmly. He didn’t miss the change in Lucifer’s voice and it’s obvious he feels uncomfortable.

“No, we said we would be honest.” Lucifer shakes his head slightly and sighs. “I’m okay.”

“If you say so,” Sam mumbles. He lays down himself, but on his side so he can keep a close eye on Lucifer in case something happens.

“Michael taught me a lot of things, he showed me the world around us and our father’s Creation. We argued of course, but it was never truly bad or actual fighting. He taught me how to fight, too. He was Heaven’s first warrior after all, it was his duty. Then Raphael came and everything changed.”

“What happened?”

“Michael finally got his perfect little brother,” Lucifer says obviously hurt and cracks a sad smile. “Raphael was all Michael ever wanted me to be. Obedient, following his orders, willing to blindly trust him and father without ever questioning anything they did. I was nothing more than a burden to him after that. He still spent time with me, but only because he had to in order to train me. Everything else, the affections and love and understanding, was gone.”

“That’s horrible…” Sam feels awful listening to this. If Dean would have done this… he can’t even imagine how devastating it would have been.

“I can’t blame him, father made Raphael like this on purpose. He wanted them close, even if he never admitted it. It’s not Raphael’s fault and he always tried being nice to me, or polite at least, because he respected me due to him being the younger one. It still felt like acting, as if he only did it to please me. Gabriel was never like them.”

“What was he like?” Sam asks, hoping to take the topic away from Michael and maybe to some good memories instead. “He came after Raphael, didn’t he?”

“He did, he was the last of us,” Lucifer nods. “He was a weird one. We were not born, not like you were at least, but we were created as infants too. Gabriel was no exception. I was there when he opened his eyes for the first time and then he saw me. Not father, not Michael or Raphael - he saw me first.”

“How did you feel when you saw him? Were you angry that there was one more to your family?”

“No, I wasn’t angry.” Lucifer’s smile is back, but this time it’s a soft and gentle one Sam has never seen on him before. It makes him look almost calm. “I was proud, I think. He was a beautiful baby. Chubby, with golden eyes that were like sunshine, his tiny golden wings uselessly flapping on his back - and he smiled. He saw me and he smiled.”

“That sounds very nice,” Sam smiles. And it really does. He can almost see it.

“I adored Gabriel. I didn’t care for Michael’s lack of attention anymore or his and Raphael’s coldness. Gabriel was never cold to me. He worshipped the ground I walked on, he looked up to me to teach him everything I knew and we were completely inseparable. We were together all the time. I can say that I genuinely loved him.”

“I’m sorry for asking, but how did Michael feel about that?”

“He absolutely despised it,” Lucifer laughs quietly. “I don’t know why, but Gabriel didn’t like him much and he couldn’t stand it. He never told me why, but it was obvious. He had no respect for Michael at all. Sometimes he played with Raphael, because they were not many years apart, but he always came back to me.”

“I bet you enjoyed that,” Sam laughs, he just can’t hold it back. “That Michael hated it.”

“I freely admit it, yes. I loved it. Michael had his little brother, I had mine. He could teach Raphael, I had Gabriel to teach and to spend my time with. And he didn’t like that Gabriel became more and more like me, I think that’s what he hated the most.”

“You mean he became sarcastic and stubborn?”

“Oh yes, he did.” Lucifer smiles. “And defiant. He was absolutely defiant whenever Michael asked him to do something. When I did, he rarely disobeyed. One time, he was about as old as a seven or eight year old human, Michael tried to teach him how to fly. Gabriel was scared and Michael was the best flyer, much better than Raphael and even than me, and Gabriel threw a tantrum that I will never forget. It was epic.”

“Don’t get me wrong, but I believe you without more details. That sounds like Gabriel.”

“It was worse than you can imagine. Michael tried to force Gabriel and got angry when he refused to even try to follow any of his instructions. Gabriel pouted and walked away and then Michael got very mad and threatened to just throw him off a cloud if he kept being stubborn. And Gabriel lost it.” Lucifer is quiet for a moment, as if he’s reliving the memory in his head, but Sam waits patiently because he really wants to know what happened now. Hearing Lucifer speak so freely and calmly is something he could get used to. “Gabriel looked at Michael and his face turned dark red and a moment later he began screaming. He didn’t only scream, it was a sound so jarring and loud that it was heard everywhere. I was not even in Heaven when this happened, I was in Eden and busy fulfilling my duties, and I heard it so clear it shook me completely. Needless to say that I dropped what I did and returned to Heaven, only to find my baby brother on the ground, banging his fists and feet on it and screaming his lungs out. His face was still completely red, he was crying and sobbing and in between screamed and screeched again. He was completely out of himself.”

“I feel sorry for him,” Sam says slowly. “And for your ears.”

“You would have imploded at the sound,” Lucifer chuckles amused. “I asked Michael what happened, but he wouldn’t answer, so I did what I had to do and turned to Gabriel. I picked him up, despite him kicking and punching. He hit me quite a few times, you wouldn’t believe how strong he was even as a child, but I somehow managed to hold him and carried him away without another look at Michael. It took him over an hour to finally calm down and even then he was still shaking horribly.”

“He was scared, wasn’t he?” Sam wonders. “I would have been for sure.”

“He was absolutely terrified,” Lucifer nods. “Michael was always strict with him, so he was scared from the beginning and didn’t want to listen, but when Michael threatened him, it got worse. He believed that his big brother would actually do it and it scared the little one to death.”

“Wow, what an ass,” Sam huffs. Sure, Dean has done some pretty harsh things to teach Sam a lesson or how to do something, but this was far beyond anything he ever experienced. What kind of brother did such things?

“Understatement.” Lucifer’s face hardens a little, but not very much. “I spent the rest of the day calming Gabriel down and assuring him that I would teach him instead. He said he would rather never learn to fly than to have Michael teach him and I understood why. He taught me and it was horrible. Michael was too demanding, too pushing, too mad at mistakes. Michael was never a good teacher, only when it came to fighting. He knew how to fight.”

“Did you teach him how to fly then?”

“Of course, I had to. Gabriel was eager to learn, even if he was very clumsy at first. He kept tumbling and falling over his own feet and it took much longer than I expected, but we managed. He loved racing with me and was so excited when I let him win and pretended to be too exhausted to go on while he laughed and called me old and slow. Michael would have never let him win, his way of teaching was through intimidation and fear, but I couldn’t do that to him. Gabriel was so excited and proud when he beat me, just seeing his face light up with joy and hear his laugh was enough to not mind him mocking me about losing.”

“That reminds me of when Dean practiced wrestling with me,” Sam chuckles. Lucifer gives him a curious look and he smiles. “He was in a wrestling team in school, I think he was ten or eleven at the time. I kept asking him to teach me and was very excited when he actually said yes. I worked very hard and tried to do everything he showed me right and when I was able to beat him I was thrilled. Of course I knew he let me win, but I was proud and he was too and none of us really cared.”

“Yes, it was the same with Gabriel. He was a clever one, he knew I let him win, but he was still happy. And why should I have ruined his excitement by showing him that I was better than him? I knew how bad it made me feel when Michael did those things, I didn’t want to do the same. I was never like Michael.”

“I know you weren’t,” Sam says and shakes his head. “Just look at how Michael tried to make Dean say yes. He sent Zachariah, who tortured us and tried to force a yes out of Dean. He was brutal and cruel, we even got killed because of him! And when Dean wouldn’t obey they resurrected Adam and used him as a tool. He had nothing to do with this, all he wanted was to see his mother again and they used him without any regrets. You never acted even closely to that.”

“I didn’t have to,” Lucifer answers and looks back at the ceiling. “I knew you would say yes, there was no need to threaten you or force it from you.”

“Would you have done it if I wouldn’t have said yes? I mean, you didn’t have a backup plan like Michael. You had no Adam for yourself.”

“I had Nick,” Lucifer shrugs. “Now he is much stronger and can hold me, back then he was much weaker and I had to maintain him. But, even without your yes, I would have faced Michael. I wouldn’t have gotten down to his level, not even if it meant to possess a vessel that was not made for me.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t say that,” Sam huffs. “It sounds like I have no other purpose in life than to be your vessel. Makes me kind of useless now, don’t you think?”

“Would you prefer to be called my destined vessel then?”

“Yes, that’s a little better.” Sam tries hard to hide a smirk, but fails in the end. “How did you even manage to possess Nick again? I thought he was dead?”

“He wasn’t,” Lucifer laughs. “He was simply catatonic. Like Raphael’s vessel after he left him, you have seen him, didn’t you?”

“We did, yes.” Sam narrows his brows. “But we called Raphael back. We summoned him into his vessel. Wouldn’t you have to get another yes?”

“No, Nick already said yes to me once.” Lucifer shakes his head. “A yes is nothing you can take back, once a human gives an angel their consent it’s forever. We can jump in and out of this vessel as we please, if we want to.”

Sam feels hot and cold in his chest. If that’s true, then why didn’t Lucifer just possess him right again when he came to him in the cage? Shouldn’t he have been able to?

“I know what you’re thinking, Sam,” Lucifer says and rips the hunter out of his thoughts. He looks over, still with a confused expression on his face. “You want to know why I wanted you to say yes again.”

“Yeah…” Sam really doesn’t know what else to say, it makes no sense to him. “Castiel didn’t just possess Jimmy again either, he possessed his daughter and made him say yes again.”

“Because he wanted to teach Jimmy a lesson, he could have possessed him at any given moment. I wanted you to say yes again, that’s right. Because I wanted you to, not because I needed it.”

“I don’t understand, I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t want to force you to be my vessel, you were supposed to  _ want  _ it. The first time you said yes because you thought it was the only way, but you also wanted it, didn’t you? I know you never admitted it to Dean, but you wanted it.”

“As if I could tell him that,” Sam huffs, still a bit confused. “But I wanted to say yes, you’re right. I didn’t only do it because I had no other choice.”

“And the second time I wanted you to feel the same.” Lucifer nods slowly. “But this time you didn’t.”

“And I told you why,” Sam says quietly and looks at the ground. “I almost did a few times, but I couldn’t. Still, you  _ could  _ have possessed me anyways. Why didn’t you?”

“Because it wouldn’t have been the same,” Lucifer sighs. “When you wanted it, it was different. More meaningful. You were forcefully possessed before, did it not feel different from when I possessed you?”

Sam frowns. This isn’t a topic he likes talking about, but when he thinks back he has to admit Lucifer is right. It did feel different with Gadreel, didn’t it?

“He tricked me into saying yes, that’s different.”

“Not only that, I’m talking about the general feeling. Did you feel right while you didn’t know he was possessing you?”

“No…” Sam mumbles. “I felt… wrong somehow. As if something was off and I didn’t know what. And when I found out I was angry.”

“I know you have been angry when I possessed you too. Was it the same?”

“No, it wasn’t. With Gadreel I felt betrayed and abused, with you it was because I felt weak. I thought I had failed Dean and everyone else…”

“That’s right. Your anger was directed at yourself, with Gadreel it was directed at him and your brother. And once you were able to let out your anger, didn’t you feel better the first time?”

“I think I did?” Sam doesn’t understand why he had felt better, but it’s true. “When you possessed me it didn’t feel like I was abused… I was still there, I mean. You… talked to me, tried to make me feel comfortable with what happened. With Gadreel it was either me, not knowing about him, or him, while I was unconscious.”

“And that’s the difference consent makes,” Lucifer says sincerely, looking at Sam. “This is why I didn’t possess you again after you said no. I asked for your consent, you didn’t give it to me.”

“So you snapped, beat the hell out of me and possessed Cas?”

“Possessing you was out of question and I had to improvise,” Lucifer shrugs.

“I would call it throwing a huge temper tantrum. I said no, you began freaking out.”

“Some things just make you lose control, Sam. I’m not proud of how I reacted. I had a lot of time to contemplate on what happened.”

“While you were vessel hopping and caused chaos?” Sam raises a brow.

“You had your reasons to say no, I understand that. I accepted your decision.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Yes, that’s your answer. While I was ‘vessel hopping’ as you call it and while Crowley thought I was his pet. Even now I could possess you in a heartbeat. Nick might be stronger now, but he is nothing compared to possessing you. But, without your consent that all doesn’t matter. A forced connection like this can never work, that’s why we need consent. We are not demons. They gain power from forceful possessions. You and I, we can only work with consent, not with force.”

“Do you… still  _ want  _ to possess me?” Sam doesn’t know why he asks, but he really wants to know.

“Sam,” Lucifer sighs and the way his name sounds gives Sam goosebumps. “You will always be my true vessel, but I do not wish to possess you anymore. The fight is over, I have a vessel that can hold me and you will not say yes again. Things changed and if I would possess you again, it would not feel right anymore. Yes, I would be stronger, but what for? I have lost everything, including your consent. It wouldn’t work anymore.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say. He’s not surprised, but for some reason he feels like he had just gotten a kick in his stomach. The things Lucifer said make sense, however, the things he did not say make even more. He lost the little brother he loved, the big brother he had trusted with his life and the faith in his father too. Sam wonders if his ‘no’ when Lucifer asked for his consent again had caused more damage than he thought until now. Had he been Lucifer’s last connection with sanity? Was this the reason he went completely nuts after that? It’s hard to believe, given his actions, but Sam can’t shake the nagging feeling off that this is exactly what has happened. He doesn’t like the thought, but it’s very strong.


	12. The Worst Of The Worst

They continue the questions after a long pause, but they only manage two more before Sam notices that Lucifer’s voice becomes weaker and his answers sound slurred. Sam puts the magazine away and crawls over to Lucifer, a bit concerned, and lays a hand on his forehead. As he does, the other’s eyes flutter open and what he sees is not good. Lucifer’s eyes are completely out of focus and appear to be clouded and his forehead is burning hot.

“You have a fever,” Sam says slowly and checks Lucifer’s cheeks and neck too, just in case. He is burning inside, there’s no doubt about that. “You need to sleep. I’ll give you two pills that will hopefully take care of your temperature, but you have to rest or it won’t get better.”

Lucifer nods weakly and doesn’t fight when Sam pulls him into a somewhat sitting position. He manages to take the water bottle himself, even though he’s shaking, but he can’t grab the pills from Sam. Instead, the hunter orders him to stick out his tongue and places them on it, so Lucifer can wash them down with a few gulps from the bottle. Once he’s done, Sam helps him to lay back down and covers his forehead with a piece of cloth he soaked in water before. It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.

“We couldn’t finish your last question,” Lucifer mumbles, barely audible, and Sam forces himself to smile down at him.

“Forget them, you need to recover, the questions can wait. I’ll stay awake, in case anything happens.”

Lucifer mumbles something unintelligible before closing his eyes again and rolling his head to the side slightly. Sam rearranges the cloth on his forehead, sighing. The angel’s breath is shallow and fast, which worries Sam. He didn’t know angels could get this sick too and has no idea what to do, apart from trying to get his temperature down. Lucifer was usually very cold, so this must feel as if he’s on fire for him. Sam can’t imagine how bad it must be to affect him this much.

It’s getting late already and Sam can feel his own exhaustion creeps in, but he doesn’t dare to fall asleep. Instead, he tries to stay busy by searching the basement for more medication and getting more food and water up. He finds a small bag that contains several bottles of pills he plans to study later, but sadly there’s no thermometer or anything to check Lucifer’s actual temperature as he had hoped to find. It’s all just guessing from his point, but he thinks it got a little bit better since Lucifer fell asleep. There’s a good chance he’s just making this up, but without a way to be sure he just hopes it’s true.

While changing the cloth on Lucifer’s forehead regularly and making sure he stays under his blanket, Sam takes care of the fire and goes through the medication. Most of it are things he never heard about, which doesn’t surprise him, but luckily they have small notes on them to reveal what they are used for. That’s a blessing in this situation. There are some more painkillers, stronger ones than he gave Lucifer before, and a bottle of what seems to be antibiotics. That’s very good, he fears that he might need those soon. He also has cough medicine, some sort of juice that is supposed to help with fever - very helpful - and little red capsules that only read ‘Emergency Exit’. Sam puts those far away, just to be sure. They don’t sound pleasant at all and he imagines captured soldiers biting on cyanide capsules to end their life before they can be tortured. It’s a thought he pushes away as soon as it comes because that’s the last thing he need now.

Sam has no way to tell the time, but he assumes it’s around midnight when Lucifer suddenly begins to move. Just a little at first, turning from his back to his side, but it quickly becomes more and is getting worse. Careful, Sam tries to calm Lucifer down by laying his own hand on his forehead - the cloth keeps falling off due to him moving so much and it’s useless to put it back on - but it doesn’t help. Lucifer begins moaning quietly, no words or anything illegible though. It’s just uncomfortable groans that make Sam feel utterly helpless. His fever is still burning inside of him, hopefully fighting whatever kind of infection he is suffering from, and it’s not better as Sam had hoped, it’s still the same.

“It’s gonna be alright,” Sam whispers as he brushes a hand through Lucifer’s wet hair, not knowing what else to do to calm him down without waking him up. “You’ll be fine again soon, you just have to get through this now.”

Lucifer turns again, almost violently this time, and lets out a groan that sounds painful to Sam. This time he mumbles a little louder and Sam can hear his name through the slurred words. He’s surprised, but he can’t focus on that now. Lucifer is obviously in pain, either from a nightmare or from his infection, and that’s more important now.

“I’m here, it’s okay,” he says a little louder, hoping Lucifer can hear him through his suffering.

No matter what Sam tries though, he can’t calm the angel down. His moans become more frantic, more bothered and uncomfortable, and it doesn’t take long before he breaks out into sweat even more. Sam tries desperately to soothe Lucifer the best he can, but it’s completely useless. He’s almost going into panic mode when he suddenly has a weird idea. 

There’s not much thinking when he lifts Lucifer’s blanket up and crawls under it too, before wrapping his arms around the trembling hot body of the other. He’s out of ideas and when he was a child, Dean used to do the same when he had nightmares or was sick, so it’s his last resort before being completely out of ideas. Sam doesn’t think it will help at all, Lucifer is almost trashing around by now and won’t stay quiet for even a moment, but he’s desperate. It takes a few minutes in which Sam stays determined, holding Lucifer tight even when he tries pushing away from him and lashes out. And then, out of a sudden, the blond lays still. Sam holds his breath for a moment, waiting for a new outburst of violence or moans, but Lucifer stays as immobile as he is.

“It’s okay,” Sam whispers and, now more gentle, pulls Lucifer closer again. “I’m here, you’re not alone. It’s gonna be okay.”

For a long time Sam holds Lucifer like this, slowly rocking back and forth in a rhythmic way, surprised and utterly relieved that the other is actually calming down and seems to be drifting into a normal sleeping state again. He doesn’t see his face, but Lucifer’s breathing becomes slower and more regular, so he knows what he does works. It feels weird, yes, and it feels like the most insane thing he has ever done, but it helps, doesn’t it? He doesn’t really care for much else right now; Lucifer isn’t tossing around and lashes out anymore, that’s important.

Sam doesn’t realize when he drifts away himself. He closes his eyes after a while, trying to sync his breathing with Lucifer’s to help him calm down more, not noticing that this also has the same effect on him. It doesn’t take long before Sam is asleep too, still holding Lucifer tight against him. There’s too much exhaustion and concern for his body to keep him awake any longer and to be honest, lying like this is kind of comfortable. This is the last thought that Sam carries over into dreamland, but it’s a nice one. Yes, it’s comfortable like this, even if he’ll never admit it to anyone else.

\-----

Sam wakes up not really knowing why he feels so warm and cozy. He keeps his eyes closed for a moment longer, cherishing the warmth and trying not to think. His mind quickly turns on again though and he remembers where he is and what he’s doing and he rips his eyes open almost terrified. All he can see is Lucifer’s profile - he must have turned on his back during the night - and the slight movement of his nostrils as he breathes. The hunter pushes himself up, careful to not wake the other up, and tries to collect himself.

_ This doesn’t have to mean anything, _ Sam tries to convince himself, as if he had not just cuddled with Lucifer for the whole night.  _ You just did what you had to so he would calm down, nothing more. _

As much as Sam wants to believe his own words, it isn't exactly true. Yes, he had laid down next to Lucifer and embraced him because he couldn’t think of anything else to do, but that he felt comfortable enough to actually fall asleep like this was an entirely different thing. He is shocked by his own calmness right now, he should try to get as far away from Lucifer as possible, but the urge isn’t there at all. Instead, Sam checks the angel’s temperature again, sighing relieved when he realizes it’s much better than the night before. Lucifer is still hot, he still has a fever obviously, but it’s not painful anymore to touch him and he seems to sleep rather peacefully.

With a smile he can’t hide, Sam crawls out from under the blanket - only to realize he’s freezing. He spins around to see if the fire is still burning, but there isn’t even a small flame or embers left. Great, no wonder it’s cold as Hell. A bit annoyed, Sam walks over to his own bed and grabs his blanket. After wrapping it around himself as tight as possible, he focuses on getting the fire back on so they won’t turn into ice cubes. He can’t deny it, he would love to crawl back under the blanket where it’s warm and comfortable, but that’s not possible. Maybe last night he did something stupid, it’s not gonna happen again and it surely doesn’t mean anything. He just wanted to help Lucifer, nothing more.

It takes Sam a few minutes before he can hope the fire will stay on, but he keeps poking it a little more just in case. Lucifer is still asleep, which is good, so he doesn’t have anything else to do anyways. And it’s taking his mind off the things he doesn’t want to think about too. It won’t help for long, but for now he’s thankful to have something to do.

Sam is trying to prepare something to eat when he hears a groan from behind. He turns around, glad that it doesn’t sound like the noise Lucifer made last night, and smiles.

“Had a good rest?” he asks, hoping that he doesn’t sound too worried.

Lucifer doesn’t answer right away. He sits up first, running a hand through his hair and visibly exhausted. He’s taking a few deep breaths before finally searching for Sam’s eyes.

“What happened?” Lucifer asks with a shaking voice. “Why do I feel so weak?”

Sam walks over to the blond and sits down next to him. He fishes the cloth out of the water bucket again, wringing it out and carefully dabs Lucifer’s forehead with it as he speaks.

“You had a fever, a very bad one,” he explains calmly, while Lucifer gives him suspicious and confused looks. “This thing caused some kind of infection, fever is your body’s way of fighting against it. You had some nightmares too, I think, you tossed around and lashed out.”

“I did?” Lucifer wonders, rubbing the back of his head. “I can’t remember anything...”

“Maybe it’s better this way,” Sam chuckles and wrings the cloth out again. “I was a little worried because you didn’t wake up, but you are better now. The fever is going down.”

“I still feel absolutely terrible,” Lucifer manages to huff, though it doesn’t have his usual level of sarcasm. Still, the effort amuses Sam.

“It’s gonna be better soon,” he promises and puts the cloth away. “I was about to make some food. You should eat, you need it.”

“You should not pamper me like this,” Lucifer says, trying to sound strong but only managing it half-way. “I will recover soon.”

“I know you will,” Sam smirks. “But a bit of help never hurts, right?”

Lucifer watches him carefully when Sam gets up and returns to the fire to heat up the cans he brought upstairs - a soup he assumes is with vegetables and meatloaf. He’s turning his back at Lucifer, but he knows that the other’s eyes are on him. It’s very hard to miss, really.

“Why do you care for me anyways?” Lucifer asks at one point and Sam shrugs.

“You’re sick, I can’t just let you die here, can I?”

“Wouldn’t it be easier for you?” Lucifer insists. “More food, more water, no danger of being killed when you don’t pay attention?”

“I don’t think you’re going to kill me,” Sam laughs. “I know you could, but I don’t think you will.”

“That’s a lot of trust to put into someone who could end you without even moving,” Lucifer cocks. Sam gives him a bitch face that speaks for itself and turns back around.

“If you keep talking like that you’re not gonna get breakfast,” he says and smirks to himself. “You could be a little more thankful that I looked after you last night.”

Lucifer is awkwardly quiet for a minute, but Sam tries not to show that he’s wondering what he is doing. It annoys him a lot that Lucifer keeps saying those things, but he isn’t going to give it more attention than necessary anymore. Maybe he will just get tired of it at one point, Sam hopes. Not that he doesn’t know what Lucifer could do, if he decided to, but over the last days he didn’t get the impression it’s really what he wants. Sam doesn’t know if he’s putting too much trust in Lucifer or not, maybe he does, but would it be better to live in fear every wake moment? He doesn’t think so.

“Do you think you can get up or do you want breakfast in bed?” Sam asks when he finally takes the pot of soup off the fireplace.

Lucifer doesn’t answer, he just stands up slowly and stumbled over to Sam. He’s not steady on his feet, far from that, and Sam actually has to grab for his arm when he sits down so he won’t just fall. The look he gives the angel speaks volumes.

“You better stop pretending you’re fine,” Sam says and glares at Lucifer sternly. “I’m only going to say this once, but you need to grow the hell up and lose your attitude.”

“Do you have a sudden death wish, Sam?” Lucifer asks and raises his brow, anger visibly taking over him at this point.

“No, I don’t,” Sam continues unimpressed. “But this? I’m not planning to keep going like this. Yes, we are stuck here and yes you are pissed, but guess what, I am too! I hate to break it to you, but right now you’re not in your best shape and you need me, whether you like it or not. Stop threatening to kill me every other minute and don’t pretend you’re in control when you’re clearly not. I’m trying to make this work somehow, don’t you get that?”

“You are the only one who ever had the audacity to talk to me like this.”

“Well, it was about damn time someone did!” Sam huffs and pushes the pot and a spoon over to Lucifer. “I plan to go back to my family, in case you forgot that. And I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be stuck here either. I don’t plan to kill you and I do hope you’re not planning to kill me. So, how about we cut the bickering and drama and just work together to get outta here?”

Lucifer’s face shows no sign of emotion while he stares at Sam, but the hunter knows his mind is working. He isn’t looking away, even if Lucifer looks damn intimidating - not this time, no. Sam made a point and he stands with it. Finally, after what feels like hours, Lucifer lets out a huff.

“You really have some nerves, Sam,” Lucifer says and shakes his head before starting to eat the soup Sam prepared. “I am tempted to call you a pain in the ass.”

“Go ahead,” Sam shrugs, enjoying his small victory secretly. “Dean used to do that all the time, I’m used to it.”

Lucifer eyes Sam for a moment, only enough for the other to see a hint of red in his eyes before he continues eating. It doesn’t intimidate Sam, however. He actually finds it quite amusing. The two finish their unusual breakfast in silence, merely exchanging quick looks from time to time. Right now there is a certain tension in the air, but Sam hopes it will go away again soon and they might actually be able to spend a day without bashing their heads together. When they are done, Sam puts everything away and grabs behind Lucifer to fetch the bag of medications he had put there.

“I found some more things that will help you get better, I expect you to take them.”

“You  _ expect  _ me to take them?” Lucifer asks with a smirk, earning a sincere glare.

“Yes, I do,” he says without blinking an eye. “You can refuse to take it and keep feeling bad, or you take it and get better. It’s your choice, but don’t expect me to keep playing your nurse if you act like a stubborn little child.”

“You finally found your courage again, I’m impressed,” Lucifer says without even a hint of sarcasm, surprising Sam quite a bit.

“Didn’t you tell me I became soft and prissy?”

“I did and I am genuinely surprised that you listened to me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Sam huffs and pours out two antibiotics for the other. Lucifer takes them without questioning what they are and swallows them with a sip of water. Sam also gives him a spoon full of the fever juice, just to be sure, before putting the bag away again.

“Tastes like you are trying to poison me, that’s disgusting,” Lucifer scoffs, but Sam just gives him a shrug.

“Medicine never tastes good, you should get used to that.”

“Yes,  _ Mom _ .”

Sam can’t hold back a smirk at Lucifer’s comment. Talk about someone pouting. Luckily he doesn’t seem to plan on continuing with his sarcasm, so Sam is a little relieved for now. He decides to let Lucifer stay on his bed and pulls Lucifer’s next to it, so they don’t have to talk through the whole room again and then sits down.

The silence between them following the breakfast is kind of awkward. Lucifer doesn’t pay attention to Sam at all, instead he’s focused on a spot on the floor that he’s picking on. Sam watches him closely and he notices some things that he doesn’t like. Lucifer is extremely pale and has dark circles under his eyes, but it’s not only that. His focus seems very forced and he loses it quite often - he’ll just sit there and stares at the ground with empty eyes - and a few times Sam actually thinks he’s about to pass out. 

This isn’t good. He thought Lucifer had gotten better but right now it doesn’t look like it. If things get worse, what is he supposed to do? He can’t get him to a hospital or a doctor and for the first time since they are here Sam is actually scared that he might lose control of the situation. It’s weird that it’s Lucifer he worries about so much, out of everyone in the world, but he does. So far he managed to tell himself that he knows what he’s doing, but if Lucifer’s condition worsens, he doesn’t think he can anymore.

“Sam?” Lucifer’s voice is weak and that, more than his name itself, snaps Sam out of his reverie. He’s startled a bit when he looks up, but it immediately vanishes when he sees Lucifer. He looks like a ghost.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks worried and crawls over, supporting the other as he’s about to actually pass out. His eyes are rolling back, a view that makes Sam’s heart stop for a moment. “Lucifer, talk to me! What’s wrong?”

“Cold…” It’s all that comes out of the other’s mouth but it’s enough to tell Sam what’s happening. He’s having chills, bad ones.

As careful as possible, Sam lays Lucifer down on the bed and wraps the blanket around his shaking body. His skin feels cold and sweaty and just when Sam wants to grab the second blanket to warm him up more, Lucifer grabs his wrist tightly.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” Sam assures him with the most sincere voice he can summon. “I won’t go anywhere, but you have to try to calm down.”

“Stay.”

Sam swallows and nods, hoping that the heat he feels in his face right now doesn’t show. He grabs the second blanket, drapes it over Lucifer and then sits back down next to him, taking one of his hands.

“I’ll stay, don’t worry. Close your eyes and breathe, okay? It’s gonna get better soon, the medicine will work and you’ll feel better. You just have to get through this now.”

Lucifer moves his head a little, which could be a nod, and Sam squeezes his hand a bit tighter. It’s cold too and Lucifer’s grip is weak, so Sam really hopes that what he told him turns out to be true. This sudden extreme change is worrying him a lot and he doesn’t know what else to do. He knows how to treat bullet wounds, but this? An archangel suffering from a fever he doesn’t understand, caused by an unknown infection, in a complete unfamiliar world he doesn’t know? No, this goes way beyond his skills. All he can do is guessing at this point and he hates it.

Sam doesn’t know what else to do than to sit next to Lucifer and trying to comfort him the best he can. He holds his hand, brushes through his hair and repeats the same things over and over again, even if it feels like what he does is useless.

“You’ll be okay, it’s gonna be okay. I’m here.”

There is no way for Sam to leave Lucifer’s side, not even when minutes turn into an hour and then two. Sometimes the angel opens his eyes for a moment, looking at Sam, but it always feels like he’s looking through him instead - as if he’s not really there. He doesn’t even warm up, it’s like nothing Sam does is helping at all.

“Sam,” Lucifer whispers at one point, so quiet Sam can barely hear him, so he leans down a little and grabs his hand tighter.

“Don’t talk, you need your strength.”

“No, Sam…” Lucifer slowly shakes his head, an act that costs him a lot of effort. “Listen, please. I won’t… get better.”

“Don’t, no.” Sam presses his lips together into a thin line, refusing to believe this is happening. “Don’t say that, you will.”

“No, I’m not,” Lucifer forces his eyes open and this time actually looks at Sam - and the hunter’s heart nearly stops.

Lucifer’s eyes are white. Not because he rolled them backwards, but because they have actually turned white. Sam’s eyes begin to sting when he brushes a hand over Lucifer’s forehead. He’s fighting to even breathe, this can’t be happening…

“I’m sorry, Sam…” Lucifer continues quietly, his eyes glued to Sam’s. “For bringing you here, for causing you all this pain… for everything. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!” Sam says sharper than he wants to and angrily wipes his eyes to no avail. “You’re not going to die, I won’t allow it!”

Lucifer smiles at Sam weakly. There’s no need to say anything, they both know that it’s going to happen. No matter how hard Sam wants to believe this will turn out good, it won’t. Whatever is killing Lucifer is too strong for him to fight for much longer.

“You can’t leave me alone here…” Sam mumbles and fails to hold back the tears any longer. He throws himself over Lucifer, fearing that he’ll just disappear and simply cries, not caring for a moment how it makes him look. His sobs become even more intense when he feels a hand on his back, holding him weakly.

“I’m sorry, Sam…”


	13. Not The Ending Anyone Expected

Sam doesn’t even notice when he starts praying. He’s unable to speak because the lump in his throat prevents it, but he’s begging for Lucifer not to die and then, eventually, he prays. It’s not a conscious thing, it almost comes naturally.

_ “Please, I’m begging you, don’t let him die! I don’t care what he did, you can’t take him. It’s not fair, he can’t die like this… Please, whoever hears me, save him! Take me instead, I don’t care, but don’t let this happen!” _

He holds onto Lucifer so tight that he can feel his shallow breaths through the blankets. His sobs don’t ebb away and it’s impossible to let go of his angel.

“You can’t die,” Sam finally manages to press out with a thick voice. “Not now! Not when I finally start to understand you again! It’s not fair…”

“Sam, was anything ever fair for you?” Lucifer asks, a hint of amusement in his voice even now. “Or for me? Life isn’t fair.”

“Is this your ‘made for each other’?” Sam sniffs and finally looks back up at Lucifer. His chest is aching and it’s like a thousand knifes are pushed through his heart. “Is this your two halves make a whole? That you’re dying in front of me and I have to watch?”

“No, it’s that you feel like this  _ because  _ it happens.”

“Then fight it, goddammit!”

“Sam…”

“No! No Sam!” Sam is furious and angry, not at Lucifer but at what is happening to him. He pushes himself up, ignoring his shaking legs and that every cell of his body screams to get closer to the angel on the ground again. “You can’t die like this!”

Suddenly, Sam looks at the ceiling of the cabin and raises his voice. All his frustration, all his pain and anger came out and the sheer power of his own voice made goosebumps grow all over his arms.

“Hey! God or demons or the fucking Devil, I don’t care who hears me! One of you come here right now and fix this mess, or I’ll fuck your whole shitty universe up, do you understand me?”

“Sam, stop it…” Lucifer’s voice is barely reaching Sam’s ears through the pounding of his own heart, but it’s enough to make him look down. “Please…”

Sam plops back on the floor, new tears streaming down his face as he looks at the angel.

“You can’t die…”

“Oh, but he will,” a new voice suddenly says, startling Sam so much that he actually flinches. It’s deep and dark, familiar and at the same time not. He’s shaking when he looks up and faces the one that had heard his threat.

In front of him clearly stands Lucifer - or Sam thinks so at least, because the vessel is definitely Nick - but at the same time he’s completely different. He looks much more intimidating than his Lucifer, his glare piercing Sam with so much coldness that it sends shivers down his spine. Even his face looks different, rougher and more dangerous. A big scar crosses over the bridge of his nose and one of his eyes is covered with a black eye patch. Sam can’t see his arms because they are hidden under a thick biker jacket, but he can imagine more scars there. He can’t even take everything in before the other speaks again, crushing his hopes slowly.

“You pathetic little human have the audacity to threaten me? Just because you want your little friend here to survive?”

“I…” Sam swallows and clenches his hands to fists. No, he can’t chicken out now, this is his only chance. “Yes… yes I do. Look at him, don’t you know who he is?”

The other Lucifer raises a brow and now, finally, looks at the one on the ground. Sam sees his eyes narrow before he perches down nonchalantly.

“Well, well… Look what the cat dragged in. What a surprise,” the other Lucifer says with a cruel smirk. Lucifer tries his best to return it, but it’s more amused than frightening and utterly faint. “Tell me, why should I save this weak excuse for an archangel?”

“Because he’s you!” Sam barks and shoves himself closer to Lucifer again to take his hand. “Your world is killing him, you have to fix this!”

“Oh, do I?” The other Lucifer’s grin widens and it’s even more terrifying now. “I could just end his suffering for you, spare you both the trouble.”

Sam is about to say something again, but Lucifer stops him by squeezing his hand.

“Sam, don’t,” he says and looks at him with a sad smile. “He won’t help, look at him. He’s not what you think he is, he has no sympathy for anyone left.”

“But you’ll die…” Sam sniffs and wipes his eyes again. “We’ve come so far and you’ll die and I… I can’t lose you like this…”

“Sam, it’s okay,” Lucifer smiles and raises a shaking hand that he lays on his cheek. “You never needed anyone to be strong, not me or anyone else.”

“So, all this mfeo was just bullshit, wasn’t it?” Sam sniffs, covering Lucifer’s hands with his own as tears roll down his cheeks. “Were you just trying to make me say yes after all?”

“No, you  _ are  _ my other half, Sam,” Lucifer assures him quietly. “I never wanted more than to make you understand, to have us come together somehow. It just didn’t work out.”

“Is this all part of God’s big plan?” Sam doesn’t want to believe they screwed this up by themselves, it just hurts too much. “Is it our fault?”

“It’s no one’s fault, some things just happen.”

“Excuse me? Did you forget something here?” The other Lucifer suddenly asks, making them both look at him in confusion. They actually forgot he is there at all. “I hate to disturb your little moment, but what the hell are you talking about?”

“See? He doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know who you are, Sam,” Lucifer says, almost chuckling. “You were never born here, he never knew better.”

“You really have a nerve, you little cockroach,” the other Lucifer huffs angrily and stands back up. “And you want to be me, really? You’re pathetic, nothing more.”

“No, he’s not you!” Sam snarls at the other, grabbing Lucifer’s hand tighter. “He’s better than you! At least he didn’t destroy the whole world!”

“Hey, I tried at least,” Lucifer throws in and Sam gives him a glare.

“Still,” Sam huffs. “You’re not like him… Screw him and this stupid universe…”

Lucifer is about to say something, but when he opens his mouth no sound comes out. Instead, his body stiffens and Sam tenses up.

“No, no no no, please don’t!” He doesn’t care that the other Lucifer is watching, he just wraps his arms around his Lucifer and pulls him closer. “Don’t die on me, don’t leave me here alone…”

“Sam, it’s… okay…”

Sam shakes his head and holds the other tight, burying his head against Lucifer’s head and crying uncontrollably. He never thought he could feel like this, but it’s like he is dying himself. His chest is heaving and feels like it’s going to be ripped apart. He doesn’t want this to happen, he can’t take it. They were so close, so close to getting their problems solved and now it all didn’t matter anymore.

“I’m sorry, Lucifer,” Sam sobs, shaking and trembling. “I’m sorry I said all these horrible things to you and refused to listen and understand. I was scared and dumb, I’m so sorry… Please forgive me...”

“He’s dead, you know.”

The words sting in Sam’s chest, but he doesn’t want to believe them. He violently shakes his head and clutches Lucifer’s body even tighter.

“You can cry all you want, it won’t bring him back,” the Lucifer from this world says and crouches down next to Sam. “Besides, if he was still alive he’d be in even more pain, trust me.”

“Trust you?” Sam sniffs and angrily wipes tears from his eyes. He turns his head, glaring daggers through the other. “You did this to him! You refused to heal him!”

“Heal him?” the blond asks and lets out a harsh laugh that makes Sam frown. “He’s been poisoned by a Leviathan, there was no way to heal him, not even for me.”

“Leviathans?” Sam swallows hard and glances back at Lucifer’s pale, dead body. “This thing was a Leviathan?”

“Partially,” the second Lucifer shrugs. “They are Michael’s toys, disgusting abominations that cause more harm than good.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say. This new information is shocking, yes, but he still feels completely numb and can’t comprehend the meaning of it. Not that it helps Lucifer now anyway, he’s dead, Sam can feel it, and there is no space for other thoughts. Not even the name Michael signals any true danger at this point, which should be concerning in itself, but it’s not.

“Your name is Sam, isn’t it?”

It takes Sam a moment to realize the other spoke and he blinks a few times before he’s able to look at him.

“What?”

“He,” the second Lucifer says and nods at the one Sam holds. “He called you Sam.”

“Yeah, apparently,” Sam shrugs, not knowing what this is about.

“I don’t understand why he cared for you,” the blond continues as if this was a normal conversation during dinner. “You said he’s me, so he shouldn’t care for anyone. What’s so different about you?”

For a few minutes, Sam stays silent and tries to process this question. He doesn’t feel like answering, not at all, but even though he can barely even think straight right now and would prefer to just be alone forever, he finds it rude not to answer at all.

“I don’t know,” he sighs eventually, entwining his fingers loosely with Lucifer’s and feeling his heart ache once more when he realizes he will never again do the same. “He’s you, but... at the same time he’s not… our world is not like this, not at all.”

“What is it like?”

“Alive…” Sam doesn’t know why he choose this word to describe his own world, but it fits and it hurts just the same. “The apocalypse… it never happened. I mean, it did, but we stopped it… I…” He swallows and shakes his head, trying to keep his voice. “Lucifer possessed me and then… we jumped. Or better, I did.”

“He let you stay?” the other Lucifer asks surprised and Sam nods slowly.

“I knew what he was doing, but I couldn’t influence it. Unless he let me.”

“Interesting, Nicky almost immediately vanished when I possessed him.”

“Well, I’m his true vessel,” Sam shrugs, as if that explains everything. For him it does at least. “He talked to me sometimes, helped me let out my anger and when he beat up Dean, he kind of… I don’t know, he just retreated and I could take control.”

“True vessel,” the other Lucifer chuckles, but not at all amused. “The fairytale that was promised to us, oh yes. I remember. So, it’s true for you?”

“It was,” Sam sighs and brushes his thumb over Lucifer’s cold fingers. “Now it’s nothing.”

“Well, you’re still here, so that’s something.”

“So?” Sam asks sharply. “He’s dead, it’s over. When he was in the cage it felt different, because he was still alive, but now…”

The other Lucifer is about to say something, but a loud bang outside, followed by a bone-chilling growl, interrupts him. He glares at the door for a moment, his eyes squinted and his lips forming a thin line, before turning back to Sam.

“You feel like you’re dead too, yes. That’s what happens when you lose the other part of your soul,” he says a little too cold and informative for Sam’s taste. “But you are not dead yet. You might be soon if you stay here though.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They are coming. They can smell death and they will come for it. Not even this cabin will stop them, not in this case.”

“Let them come,” Sam says defeated and bows his head. He doesn’t care anymore, not with Lucifer dead and trapped in this nightmare. If they come, they might kill him quickly. And even if not, it would be over soon.

“No, not for you,” the other Lucifer insists and grabs Sam’s arm. “They only come for him.”

“Well, they won’t get him without getting me too!” Sam’s voice is firm and angry when he jerks his arm away and glares at the other. “I won’t leave him. I can’t.”

This world’s Lucifer bites his lip and glances back at the door, fully aware of the growling becoming louder and closer now. Again he grabs for Sam’s arm, but this time the human doesn’t free himself. There’s just no more fighting left in him.

“They will rip you apart,” the other tells Sam seriously and narrows his eyes. “You don’t want them to, I mean it. Let me get you out of here at least.”

“Why?” Sam asks sadly. “Why do you care if they kill me or not?”

“The hell if I know,” the blond huffs and runs a hand through his hair. “I just can’t stand the thought of them getting you. I won’t hurt you, I promise. But you won’t make it out on your own, not anymore.”

Sam knows time is running through his hands, but he feels a sudden heaviness at the thought of leaving Lucifer here, dead or not. It feels like betrayal and treason and he hates himself for even considering this way of backing out. He’s not sure why he eventually sighs and nods - it’s not out of sympathy or his own will to live though, that’s for sure.

“We need to hurry, Sam,” the other Lucifer says urgently. At the sound of his name coming from this version of his other half, Sam’s throat tightens. He ignores the tears shooting into his eyes once more and pulls his Lucifer up to press a last kiss on his forehead. It feels so wrong, cold and just… dead, but he does it anyway.

“I’m sorry, Lucifer,” Sam whispers quietly. “I never wanted this to happen, really…”

“Sam, they are coming!” the other Lucifer urges him even more - patient, but very persistent - and now Sam finally realizes that there is a terrifying noise around them. Banging and scratching, combined with guttural growls that make the hairs on his arms stand up. He looks up at the blond, whose face is a mask of sheer horror as he holds out his hand. Finally, Sam takes it and before he knows what is happening, he can feel the world around him disappear as he’s pulled away from the cabin and from Lucifer. He screams, or at least he thinks he screams, but there is no sound at all - just this familiar and yet strange feeling of teleporting somewhere else that presses all the air out of his lungs.

When he can finally breathe properly again, Sam is on his knees and beneath him is the cabin they just escaped. It’s surrounded by what looks like hundreds of the very same creatures that attacked Lucifer before and the door is already in shreds as the first of them squeeze inside. The view is horrifying, especially since Sam knows who he left inside and who these beasts have come for, and he forces himself to look away. The other Lucifer still has a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it almost gently and for a brief moment, Sam is glad about his presence.

“I have to go back before my brother becomes aware of my presence,” the other Lucifer says after a minute or two. Though, now he is probably the only Lucifer left, Sam thinks to himself with a grief filled heart. “You can come with me if you wish, as I said, I will not harm you.”

“And then?” Sam asks with a heavy voice and slowly looks up. “What if I come with you?”

“I can’t promise you heaven, Sam,” Lucifer says honestly and gives the human to his feet a strangely compassionate look. “But I can promise you that you will be safe, for as long as you want to.”

“Why? Why would you do this for me?” Sam doesn’t understand, not after all that has happened. “You don’t know me, you don’t care about me.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Lucifer sighs. “But you don’t belong here and you will die within hours if I leave you alone, if you are lucky.”

“And if I’m not?”

“Then my brother will find you and you don’t want to know what he’ll do to you.”

Sam knows he should say fuck you and just leave on his own, but he’s too tired to even think about this option. All he wants to do is curl up and hope this is all just a nightmare, even though he knows it’s not. If he goes with this Lucifer, he might find a way back home one day, if he stays, he will most likely die very soon. Right now the urge to go back home is almost completely gone, but Sam still has enough of his moral compass left to know that should be his main goal. So, eventually, he nods and lets out a sigh that almost sounds like a desperate cry.

Lucifer takes his hand a bit hesitantly when Sam holds it out, but still helps the hunter back on his feet. Sam’s attention is back on the cabin and the horde of monsters surrounding it and he instinctively moves closer to Lucifer in search of comfort. The arms that wrap around him feel strange at first, but Sam doesn’t care. He’s not sure if he will ever care again, if he’s honest. Still, this new and yet somehow familiar touch, makes Sam’s aching heart a bit lighter. Not enough for the agony or grief to go away, but enough to be able to move when Lucifer guides him away before zapping them into safety.

Whatever comes next, Sam knows one thing: it can’t be worse than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is it, guys. The End. Fin. Das Ende.
> 
> Thank you for reading through all of this, if you made it this far, I apologize for all the pain and suffering, but I am very happy you finished this fic, because I'm very proud of it and I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you read it ♥


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